Delightful Iowa Senate Candidate Promises To Shoot Your Balls Off
Bob Quast is a man who has experienced tragedy. We don't just mean he has been victimized by having to pay taxes, we mean that he experienced a real, honest-to-god horrifying loss: his sister was murdered in 1999 by her husband after years of abuse. We aren't entirely sure, however, that this campaign ad -- he's running a hasn't-got-a chance independent campaign for retiring Sen. Tom Harkin's seat -- shows a man who has adjusted especially well to that tragedy. Maybe it's just us -- we can certainly understand that grief is an honorable reason to enter politics and to try to make a change, but on the other hand, if we lost someone in a horrific crime of domestic violence, we aren't sure we'd try to turn that into a joke about shooting people's balls off. And no, thanks, we would prefer not to walk any distance in Mr. Quast's shoes.
If the ad itself weren't creepy enough, consider this description Quast emailed to the Des Moines Register: "My new video truly addresses issues in Iowa while retaining a sense of humor." Well, then! Glad to see that he can see the lighter side of gun-fueled revenge fantasies.
We think, just maybe, that this is something new in a campaign ad: a personal threat against a convicted (and paroled) murderer:
In the video, he says: "If you are the sexual predator and sociopath who murdered my sister Lynette and you come to my front door to do harm to my girls, I'm going to use my Glock. To blow your balls off."
His head swivels to look at another camera. A sparkle of light flashes off one of his teeth as a bell tinkles.
It's definitely different. And then it gets a little weirder, as if he just remembered that someone else made a campaign ad about cutting off testicles. "Pease do not confuse me with Iowa's Republican candidate for U.S. Senate," he says, holding up a knife as a few frames from Joni Ernst's "Squeal" ad flash on the screen.
We think what he is getting at here is that a knife is far too tidy when it comes to emasculating your enemies -- presumably, just the one guy, but who knows?
He closes the ad with a challenge to debate Democratic candidate Bruce Braley, promising -- quite generously, considering his apparent love for the thing -- that he'll leave his gun at home, and that Ernst will leave her knife at home, as long as Braley leaves his "elite law degree in D.C.," which says everything you need to know about Braley's manhood anyway, amirite? He doesn't seem to be much of a fan of the Affordable Care Act, which he calls "Braleycare."
That's rather a shame, since it looks to us like Bob Quast is a little tightly wound, and could genuinely use some help.
Also, we aren't sure what to make of the bit of text that mentions writing Quast in "on the June 3 DEM primary;" the Register says that Quast originally planned to run as a Democrat -- presumably because he's so aligned with the party's platform -- but that he screwed up his nominating petitions. Not sure if he also thinks he can crash the primary and defeat Bruce Braley that way, or what. But he's got a gun, and he believes in the rest of the Constitution, too, whatever is in there besides the one part that matters.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He hears New Zealand is a nice place to live.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.