[Delta] House Teabaggers Plan Gingrich-Worthy Stupid And Futile Gesture

A guest post from your comrade Fakakta South.

Remember when you were a kid playing a board game, maybe Checkers or "Life" if you were kinda dumb, or chess maybe if you were a nerd, and there was that one kid who, if he got way behind and saw he couldn't win, would throw a tantrum and just toss the board up in the air and scatter all the pieces and say “this game is stupid anyway"?

Hopefully that kid is now in prison after the police finally found out where all those missing hookers wound up, tossed up into his crawlspace.

But sadly, not all of our budding sociopathics wind up as serial killers or senators' sons harassing waitresses on airplanes. Some of them become tea-bagging members of Congress and now, because of them, the historically terrible House Speaker John Boehner has to meet with his “leadership team” today. It has, by unchallenged House Speaker electoring, fallen to the Great Drunken Crying Orange to figure out how to deal with these people, and with mastermind precision, the man who was much more adept at delivering checks to his friends on the house floor, must somehow appear understanding of how good defaulting on already incurred debt would feel, while simultaneously explaining just how wretchedly, apocalyptically bad actual default would be. So! What to do in tragicomically serious times like these? Of course - shut it down like a fake rape pregnancy.

Republicans are once again threatening a return to the spectacular solution of how to get Bill Clinton reelected in ’96 because Newt Gingrich had to sit in the back of AirForce One – also known as “government shut down.” Here, one may ask, but why would a refusal to fund the current government session solve the problem of paying debts we already owe, some even to ourselves? Well, as Brother Bluto said to Flounder, "Why not?"

The situation, as described by Politico:

Many more members, including some party leaders, are prepared to shut down the government to make their point. House Speaker John Boehner “may need a shutdown just to get it out of their system,” said a top GOP leadership adviser. “We might need to do that for member-management purposes — so they have an endgame and can show their constituents they’re fighting.”

It's for true, they have gotten to the point where they are going to shut down the government of the United States out of sheer petulance and stupidity. It has now been actually reported that the tea-tard caucus is forcing Boehner to shut down government just because it will make them feel better!

It is clear that Republican Party has decided there is nothing to do but coddle those who want only to go air-Galt, surreptitiously yet publically buy all the guns in the world, build cage match inspired Glenn Beckian societies, and go the full Animal House. You can just hear the tea-tarded strategy sessions going on right now, Rand Paul storming about the room screaming "was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” And finally, some genius, some teatard "deep thinker," a Jeff Sessions, a Paul Ryan, screams out "it's time for someone to make a futile, and stupid gesture," to which Boehner suddenly raises his reddened eyes from behind his gin and cries “And we are just the people to do it!"



How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc