Napoleon Dynamite Dance GIF

Green Wave, y'all!

Screw the Kochs, and the Adelsons, and Steve Wynn, and the Uihleins, and the Marcuses, and Timothy Mellon, and all the rest of the filthy plutocrat GOP megadonors using their wealth to entrench a minority party in power and rig the tax code for their own benefit.

You just kicked their asses. Up and down the ticket, you massively outraised GOP candidates by smashing that ActBlue button over and over and over. Good convention? CLICK IT. Mazal tov for Kamala? CLICK IT. Pissed off about the rush to fill sainted RBG's seat? CLICKETY-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK.

If the GOP is going to insist on buying elections, then by God Democrats are going to pony up the cash.

South Carolina Democratic Senate candidate Jaime Harrison raised $57 million last quarter, and Theresa Greenfield and Cal Cunningham pulled in $27 million, each. Have you seen Q3 fundraising totals from their opponents Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and Thom Tillis? No, you have not. Because, spoiler alert, they're not even close. Ditto for Colorado's John Hickenlooper, who raised $22 million, Alaska doctor Al Gross, who netted $9 million, and Dr. Barbara Bollier, whose haul in Kansas topped $13 million. (Have you heard of Al Gross? NOW YOU HAVE!)

That's a metric fuckton of cash! And we still haven't heard from Sara Gideon or Mark Kelly. Turns out having an amoral lunatic who kills hundreds of thousands of people by malevolently mismanaging a pandemic as the avatar of your party is bad for fundraising. Who knew!

If you've given in the past four years, you know how easy it is to contribute via ActBlue — it's literally three clicks once they have your data. This fact has not escaped the notice of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who whined about the advantage last week on a call with big donors, according to the New York Times. He failed to mention that Jared Kushner and Brad Parscale forced WinRed on the GOP, and then proceeded to use it to shovel cash out the door to various, um, related vendors, despite the RNC's preference for a different platform. Because Mitch McConnell is evil, but he's not stupid.

Perhaps the party's traditional reliance on a cadre of megadonors, while asking the rank and file to do nothing more than post memes to own the libs was ... shortsighted. Politico reports:

Josh Holmes, a top McConnell adviser, said every news development activates Democrats' donor base and "their default is to give $5 every time something angers them."

But "when your average Republican is watching Hannity and something upsets them, their response is to write something on Facebook," Holmes added.

Karma's a bitch.

So, a modest suggestion if we might: CUT IT OUT. By which we mean, redirect some of those dollars to other people who also too need them!

What the hell are you going to do with $60 million in South Carolina, much less $30 million in Iowa? (And besides which, with Graham and Ernst at the Amy Bony Carrot hearings, Harrison and Greenfield are probably going to pick up a shitload of cash this week anyway.) But you know who does need that money? Democrats trying to flip or keep the legislatures in Virginia, Iowa, Michigan, Arizona, and Texas. We need to break the Republican supermajority in Florida's House and get another Democrat on Ohio's Supreme Court to undo the GOP's preposterous gerrymandering of the state. Because this is a census year, and whoever draws the maps holds the keys to the kingdom.

So if you have cash to spare, consider directing it to VoteSaveAmerica's F*ck Gerry(mandering) fund. Or to the Ohio Democratic Party, which is all over those judicial races. Or the Democratic Party of Wisconsin, a crucial swing state, because, as we saw in that judicial election in April, Ben Wikler knows what the hell he's doing.

We are winning, you guys. Let's win big by winning smart. Because we didn't choose to live in a post-Citizens United cesspool of pay-to-play politics. But if that's how the GOP wants to play it, we're going to make that money machine hum and break our foot off in Mitch McConnell's saggy, turtle ass.

Run through the tape.

[Politico / NBC]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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