Denny Hastert Bravely Blames Americans For His Failure

Aloha, Loser. - WonketteDennis "the Hutt" Hastert is giving up and quitting, finally, after somehow keeping his congressional seat (if not the House majority) despite personally providing Mark Foley with fresh naked boys each morning. But as each sore loser Republican announces their ignoble retreat from politics in this grim summer, they are required to give interviews consisting of bitter attacks on American citizens for voting them out of power.

Hastert denied that various GOP scandals cost his party control of Congress last November. Instead, he blamed the public's desire for a shortcut out of the Iraq war.

Classy to the end! Hastert also described his disgust with his previous job as House speaker, because of Americans being "in your face asking for something all the time."

After the House majority he led washed away in a river of teen-aged boys' semen, Hastert claimed he felt "liberated" and could get back to his main love: "I can get on the floor and talk with people and kind of touch everybody."

Hastert Blames Americans' Impatience For '06 GOP Losses [National Journal/The Gate]


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