Denver Homeless Being Sent To Zoo During Democratic Convention

Like every American city these days, Denver is filled with tragically insane homeless people. But what will happen when downtown Denver becomes a terrifying Green Zone of a million cops surrounded by a million hippie protesters? Will this make the starving, mentally ill, drug addicted people living on the streets uncomfortable? Maybe! So they're going to be rounded up and sent to the Denver Zoo.


Tight security around the Pepsi Center means some homeless people will get booted out of their regular camps along the South Platte River. Then, there's the protests and parades.

"A person who typically sits under a tree in a park that is now occupied by 1,000 protesters won't have the peace and quiet they're desiring," Parvensky said. "Particularly those with mental illness can't cope with crowds."

In order to clear the streets of hobos provide a calm refuge for the thousands of sick people living on the streets of a wealthy American city, the homeless will be given tickets to the zoo so they can be terrified of scary giant animals such as lions and gorillas and elephants. This will also be fun for any families who go to the convention and decide to take a day off to visit the zoo.

The homeless will also be given movie tickets. Buses will take all the homeless to the movies and to the zoo.

Rumors abound that Denver's huge population of desperate, crazy and impoverished street people will be herded onto trains and taken to a concentration camp in Aurora, Colorado. But the people who decide the fate of the homeless in Denver say this isn't really true.

Props to the Rocky Mountain News for the hilarious headline on this story, because nothing's funnier than mentally ill people living in their own shit and then being forcibly removed so rich politicians and media celebrities won't see them.

Hey buddy, can you spare a movie ticket? [Rocky Mountain News]

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