'Deportation Bus' Guy Deports Himself Straight To Jail
It's time to travel back to Georgia to check on some old "friends" we met here last spring. If you recall, we worked tirelessly to report on the many shenanigans, frauds, schemes, and scams cooked up by the Georgia GOP. Some of the interesting things we found were: a shady secretary of State, minorities dropped from voting rolls, an exact match system, janky voting machines, long lines, false claims of hacking, and a stupid ass deportation bus.
Speaking of that deportation bus, guess what happened to the candidate who bought that bus in order to round up "murderers, rapists, kidnappers, child molesters, and other criminals"?
If you said, "LOCK HIM UP!" please enjoy this moment of freshly squeezed schadenfreude, because instead of locking up "criminals" (that means dark people) he will be in JAIL with criminals who prolly won't like him that much.
The charges against the Forsyth County Republican, who will likely remain in office until mid-January, stem from a May incident in which [unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate Michael] Williams reported his Gainesville campaign office was burglarized. At the time, Williams' campaign manager said $300,000 worth of computer servers that were being used to mine cryptocurrency had been taken from the building.
Wait a fucking minute. Mining cryptocurrency? Did his campaign consist of mining bitcoins and driving that dumb ass deportation bus around until it broke the hell down? (It really broke down, lol!) No wonder you came in last place, you lazy bastard. State Senator Michael Williams, of the "Deportation Bus" Williamses, has been charged with Insurance Fraud, Falsely Reporting a Crime, and Making A False statement, and has turned himself in to Hall County Jail.
Maybe you're wondering, "What the fuck did he do to manage to get himself charged with crimes?" Oh, nothing much, he just seems to have possibly FAKED a robbery during his campaign, filed false insurance claims, and then lied to the Georgia Bureau of Investigations. You know how things get when you haven't caught any immigrants to throw in your bus, so you get bored and start committing crimes to pass the time? No? Me neither. We sure are glad (not really?) he wasn't undocumented when committing those crimes, because as you all know, being undocumented is pretty much THE WORST MURDER EVER.
Williams is accused of lying to a Georgia Bureau of Investigation agent when he said he was at home in Forsyth County, not in the Gainesville area at the time of the purported burglary. The indictment, which doesn't say what allegedly actually happened to the servers, accuses Williams of making a false insurance claim related to the servers.
Ok, so what's the deal with all the Republicans lying to law enforcement? I mean, it's becoming an epidemic at this point, and while I enjoy watching them go to jail, a tiny part of me really wants to know what the fuck is wrong with them. I don't even understand the types of lies they tell, and I often wonder if they even know they're lying anymore. I swear I remember them being all like, "LAW AND ORDER!! RESPECT THE POLICE!!" every time black people decided to hold a rally in memory of another unarmed black person shot by police. It's almost like the laws aren't meant for THEM.
What happened here was in no way a surprise to anyone who has been paying attention to how boldly and blatantly criminal Republicans have become under Trump. When we saw Williams standing outside that deportation bus the first time, we had a thought about him that he should have taken as advice when he was speaking with the Georgia Bureau of Investigations.
Perhaps he should "self deport" to STFULand and mind his own business before someone gets hurt.
We were right. Maybe you should shut the fuck up sometimes, Michael. But you won't. Which is actually very okay with us. We like being pleasantly surprised each time one of you gets caught committing the crimes that you blame on immigrants. It's Poetic Justice.
Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @biancadelarosa8 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org