Derp Roundup: All Hallows' Eve Edition II: The Quickening
We had a feeling that just one collection of Halloween idiocy would not be sufficient to hold all the Derp that the holiday generates, and we were right. So here we go with Derpin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.
- How about we just get the ugliest story out of the way right up front? In Norfolk, Virginia, a Craigslist ad (since removed) was posted in the "Rants and Raves" section by someone from the upscale Larchmont-Edgewater neighborhood with this charming sentiment, which starts out merely douchey and gets worse from there:
We hate seeing kids older than twelve going house to house for free candy. Doing so is illegal and this year we will be calling the police on you bastards. Overage trick or treating is a Class 4 misdemeanor and carries a $250 fine. This will also go on your criminal record if you don’t have one already.
And you niglets, stay the hell out! We’re a white neighborhood and we don’t want you baboons here!! You little turds better think twice going into my neighborhood or you will be legally punished.
They seem nice. Unlike the high school teacher whose Facebook post we featured yesterday, these good citizens were anonymous, and didn't have to lie about not singling any one race out, so hooray for honesty or something.
Sekrit Wonket Chatcave denizen Gary Legum is from the fine old city of Norfolk, and says that the neighborhood where he lived often attracted
teens and young adults from the nearby projects. Even for a liberal like myself it was sort of annoying when people who were not even wearing costumes would show up and shove their pillowcases at you without even saying "trick or treat." Sort of seemed contrary to the spirit of the evening.
BUT, he adds (and we paraphrase for clarity, since ChatCave is not always linear) sweet Jesus, people in Larchmont, instead of sending out a Craigslist post where you get all racisty, if you're getting too many superannuated kids from outside the neighborhood, why not do what Gary's neighborhood did, back in the day, and get together with neighbors and have a Halloween event at a community center so you don't have to deal with trick-or-treaters at all? Social anxieties managed, and without calling a single cop. Or ending up in Gawker.
- This morning, Slate's Dave Weigel tweeted a photo of a "Dude in pirate costume being asked to leave launch event for Fix the Debt’s millennial affiliate group." We've cropped it to focus on the costume guy; but is he a Halloween Pirate or a Tea Party Patriot? Is that a hook on his hand? Enhance!
Shortly afterward, a guy dressed as a can led the pirate away. Must be a pirate. Minutemen didn't wear jeans and sneakers. Or maybe he's a town crier?
We're starting to wonder if this was maybe just Washington being Washington, and had nothing to do with Halloween?
- It feels like there's a lot more Dumb Blackface this year than usual. Is that just us? In addition to this month's previous hits, there's these three white high school coaches in San Diego who darkened up to be the "Jamaican Bobsled Team..." (Gawker, you blew the hed though -- "Not Cool Runnings" would be better):
- And then there's Dumb Yellowface, too; three white dudes dressed as dead-or-injured Asiana flight attendants, with the "hilarious" fake names from that San Francisco Teevee Station that got pranked:
- And this next one, we're not as bothered by, since, hey, person in Obama mask but not acting like a minstrel show, not so much a problem. In Hopkinsville, Kentucky, three guys portrayed Barack Obama in a straitjacket being escorted by security guards, and took third prize in a costume contest.
After some complaints, the hospital ordered all staff to undergo diversity training; we don't know if that was because the costume was considered racist, or if maybe people working at a freaking hospital may not want to be doing mental illness = hilarious political commentary?
- And then there's just the silly stuff, like NBC's Matt Lauer as Pamela Anderson on Baywatch:And Al Roker as Mr. T, showing off what you can do with a network makeup and wardrobe budget
- Frankly (and now we're giving up any pretense of sticking to news-n-politics), our favorite is Patrick Stewart, Making It So (Weird):
Oh, yeah, that's political after all, because PETA's probably pissed about what happens to a lobster when immersed in tea, Earl Grey, hot.
- And finally, since it is pure WTF (and definitely "political" because all 79 of the "Million Moms" still don't like her), here's Ellen DeGeneres as the singer that an 8th-grader called "Nicki Mange":
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.