Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab-Bag Of Grotesqueries
Welcome, kids, to Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we give our browser tabs a Silkwood shower, then inspect the drains for stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not enough to hang a full blog post on. We recommend that you apply the mood-altering substance equivalent of a wire brush to your brain before reading further.
“I am OK with that,” Moore said Thursday, adding that he meant only those who were off parole and not barred from those places. “The reason I’m OK with that is the assumption is they have done their time. If they’re still a danger to society, they should not be free. … Am I saying it’s not creepy? It’s definitely creepy.”
It is a good day to be creepy in Georgia!
It all comes down to Moore's dedication to the proposition that no one should ever have to give their name to a cop, never ever ever, which would also be prohibited under his bill -- "under no circumstances shall a citizen be required to identify himself or herself to a law enforcement officer" -- and so, says our defender of liberty, since loitering is the only law requiring people to identify themselves, protecting our freedom depends on getting rid of the loitering law, which would also mean that there can't be any exceptions for sex offenders who might want to loiter by the swingset.
That's some catch, that Catch-12-And Under.
This is where we need to give our own little ACLU-tinged sermon about how, in the attempt to Protect The Children, restrictions on sex offenders have indeed been drawn so broadly that even people who have served their time are not allowed to live within ten miles of anywhere, and that is unjust. The problem is made worse by the inclusion of trivial offenses like public urination under sex-offender laws. Some real reform in that area would be a great idea, but that's not even Moore's intent -- he's just so dead set on one hyper-Libertarian idea that loosening restrictions on sex offenders is merely a knock-on effect.
Happily, no other legislators have signed on to Moore's bill, and it's unlikely to even make it to the House floor; Cherokee County Sheriff Roger Garrison explained the proposal's likely fate:
the speaker of the House has a little corner for people like Mr. Moore: It’s called the ineffective corner. It’s just an embarrassment he happens to be from Cherokee County,” Garrison said.
Y'see, When Finley was 18, she was not kind, did not rewind, and did not return the tape, so after mailing several warrants, the video store -- now defunct -- notified the police, who sent her a certified warrant in 2005. Finley was arrested February 13 when the outstanding warrant was found when she went to the sheriff's office to report an unrelated case of harassment; she spent a night in jail and was release on a $2000 bond. Finley says she moved away from the area about the same time as she rented the movie and forgot all about it; she also said she never received any of the warnings. But there's good news! The former owner of the video store notified the court that they did not want the case pursued, so the charges against Finley have been dropped. No word on whether her ordeal will be adapted into a future episode of Law and Order: Special Video Unit.
Private unions, such as the UAW, is a choice between employees and employers. If that is what they want then who am I to say you can’t have it?"
We're looking forward to hearing that some smartass at the UAW has appointed Mr. Wurzelbacher as the union's goodwill ambassador to South Carolina.
Jeeze, dude, don't you know that pissing in the sink is reserved for surgeons?
“I feel it’s my duty to be a first responder wherever I am at,” said Wright. “That’s why I carry it.”
Except, of course, when he leaves his loaded weapon in a bag on the floor, where it's a little less accessible. Wright has agreed not to carry his gun purse into the Capitol any more.
And in Boynton Beach, Florida, a Florida Man shot himself in the leg as he was leaving his gun safety class. Because this is America. And specifically, Florida.
So, enough buildup. What did sane person Mike Lair do? He attached an $8 appropriation to the Education budget, explaining that it would be used to purchase enough aluminum foil to provide tinfoil hats for all in the Lege who are convinced that Common Core will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war:
“Basically, when you deal with conspiracy theorists, you do logic first,” Lair told the committee, noting that he has filed bills to limit how student data is shared and blocking the Department of Elementary and Secondary Education from mandating curriculum or textbooks to local schools ...
“If you can’t deal with folks with logic, you use humor,” he said. “This is to stop all the problems from the black helicopters and drones. This is high density foil.”
And then the committee even voted to allow the state to accept federal funds for Common Core implementation, so it looks like that tinfoil was a pretty good investment.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.