Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy
Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present "Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore."
You need to see this ad -- yes, even you video non-clickers. We especially like the part in the middle, where Alonso goes "off script" and argues with him about hunting, because she loves the little furry critters. As ThinkProgress notes, it's doubtful whether having a Spanish-speaking lady in the ad will get Donnelly a lot of support with Latino voters, what with his being a founding member of the California Minutemen border vigilantes and all. Oh, also, he'll reduce regulations but also make California McDonalds pay $20 an hour, since that's what they pay in North Dakota. (Maybe he'll discover oil in an unpopulated area to replicate the conditions that brought that about in North Dakota).
On a day not too long after Boehner’s political body check of Steve King for his immigration comments, the speaker was milling around the aisle walkway in the middle section of the House floor where the Democratic and Republican territories meet. Another Texas Democrat and I were standing a few feet away, and as the speaker passed us we thanked him for denouncing King’s offensive comments. He slowed his stride and then paused to turn toward us. “What an asshole,” he said. My thoughts exactly, Mr. Speaker.
So say we all, Mr. Speaker. And Heidi N. Moore will be glad to know we have now closed that tab, too.
Counsel, you are not reading this, are you?
Egad, an attorney consulting notes in the presence of the exalted Antonin Scalia? Maybe that is the way they behave in Podunk Municipal Traffic Court, Counsel, but do you know where you are? You are in an atmosphere of decorum and gravitas, which is why Justice Scalia gets to reserve all the dick moves for himself. That was almost as petulant as complaining that other bloggers are putting together stories culled from their open browser tabs, when Heidi N. Moore clearly thought of it first.
"Homosexuality is not a civil right. It's a human wrong...Homosexuals are saying this is who we are. This is how we're born. You tell a lie long enough, people begin to believe it."
You know, when you can't even make the two halves of your attempt at antimetabole match up, you should maybe not try to do the rhetoric at all.
In October, Jimmy Kimmel aired a sketch where he asked little kids how they would solve America's debt to China. One kid said, "Kill everyone in China," and everyone laughed and moved on, until they didn't.
The comment blew up in China, Kimmel apologized, ABC's president apologized (twice), and someone started a petition on WhiteHouse.gov asking the White House to shut down the show and formally apologize for it. More than 100,000 people signed the letter, which compared the skit to the "rhetoric used in Nazi Germany."
The White House reply said, well, no, we have this First Amendment thing that we like a lot, so maybe now that everyone has apologized, you guys could STFU and realize that one stupid child in a comedy skit does not set American policy, no matter how much news coverage Ted Cruz gets.
"I hope he won't, because I think he'll get all my enemies, all his brother's, all -- and there are other families," she said. "I refuse to accept that this great country isn't raising other wonderful people."
Talk about sacrificing for the good of the country, which does not need any more political dynasties! It is like a story from Shakespeare, almost, or at least it is like this one Shakespearean tale we saw in a Captain Klutz comic by Don Martin, which was itself loosely based on The Sound of Music by Richard Rogers, Oscar Hammerstein, and Heidi N. Moore. Or maybe it is just an acknowledgement that America is kind of tired of her whole blasted family.
*Story idea by Heidi N. Moore
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He just can't seem to stop retweeting Heidi N. Moore.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.