Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible
Happy Saturday, Wonquistadores! Every week, our web browsers overflow with a fetid slop of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth full posts of their own. Then we mop up the mess and wring out the smelly excess into a big old bucket we call the Derp Roundup. Add grain alcohol, stir, and enjoy!
"bigamy in the literal sense — the fraudulent or otherwise impermissible possession of two purportedly valid marriage licenses for the purpose of entering into more than one purportedly legal marriage.”
So hey, pretty clear there: Go ahead and call yourself "sister wives" as much as you want to -- heck, make it a reality show -- but if you haven't tried to get more than one wedding license, the state won't butt in. Needless to say, some corners of teh intarwebs have jumped right onto the "told ya so" bus; like the nice folks at Legal Insurrection:
Yes, this all was predicted long ago, and led to charges of fear mongering and false slippery slopes.
The legalization of polygamy followed logically from the legal arguments against one man-one woman, as was predicted
That's some slope, that slippery one.
All bets are off! Even if the main effect of the ruling is to bring Utah's polygamy law in line with most other states', which only ban state recognition of plural marriages. And credit where it's due: Would you believe that the usually wingnutty Weasel Zippers gets it right on this story?
The law of most other states only pertains to having multiple licenses, Utah’s law prohibited cohabitation or presenting oneself as having more than one wife-that’s the part that got struck, the no multiple licenses stays in effect.
Not that the commenters noticed; their consensus is that this is exactly what "The Left" was after, and that next we'll be legalizing incest, pedophilia, dogfucking, and spousal benefits for lifesized anime-girl pillows (Link of dubious work-safeness).
“I’d put them all alive in the oven,” Okhlobystin said during a meet-and-greet with his fans last Sunday. “It’s a living danger to my children.”
Okhlobystin also demanded during the chat that “f*ggots” be stripped of their right to vote. Though burning gays like Jews would pretty much obviate their vote anyway.
This of course, leads to the perfectly reasonable question of whether Eastern European water tables have somehow been contaminated by a previously untapped reserve of unfiltered Nazi. They were always pretty loose on environmental standards over there.
See! She was joking in a lighthearted way, and does not actually believe in Santa Claus, you racists! Stop being so mean to Fox News and Megyn Kelly, who is the real victim of your partisan race-baiting. Leave Megyn ALOOOOOOOONE.
Congratulations, Megs! You are now an Official Victim. Welcome to full membership in the Fox Whinetheon.
When out on the town he decided she would be lucky to get such a gift
He could do what he liked to her because she shared a lift
Although she screamed no it happened in a flash
As soon as she could free herself she made a desperate dash
Then what to her startled eyes should appear
A Police car patrolling which then drew near
He spake not a word and went about his day
Little did he know the police were already on their way
"She wanted it, she's a slag" was his defence
He was too arrogant to see he had committed an offence.
Um. Ick. No, not really helping. But hey, it included the helpful warning to would-be rapists, "Don't think you can take what you want because you want it," so that makes it an anti-crime message, right? And yet women went and called it "offensive" "and trivializing" for some reason. Women, sheesh, just can't please 'em.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.