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Detroit's Libertarian Belle Isle Plan Basically Gayer Fire Island With Lower Taxes

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Meet Joe. Joe has no last name but he is a 6'2" Syrian-American doctor with blond hair and blue eyes. In the self-published novel "Belle Isle: Detroit's Game Changer," Joe returns to his native Detroit to visit the quasi-independent protectorate/libertarian paradise of Belle Isle after living and running a hospital in Damascus for the past 20 years.


"Belle Isle: Detroit's Game Changer," as you may have guessed, is an attempt to win hearts and minds for that plan to buy Detroit's signature public park for one billion dollars, secede from Michigan, and build a tax-free gated community for going Galt. It is an interesting book. The author, senior housing developer Rod Lockwood (double phallus!), has a propensity to dress like Lord Voldermort. The typeface is also large so you can zip through the 144 pages in no time!

It is the year 2043 in the book and Joe, despite being a handsome doctor with a keen fashion sense and a deep appreciation for life's finer things, is unmarried. He is given a tour of the island by Darin, his long-lost high school friend and Belle Isle's master planner.

Darin is also a fastidious unmarried man in his late 40s/early 50s. In high school he helped girls pick out clothes at the mall. Aesthetic beauty is of great importance to Darin. Nothing can be built in this libertarian paradise without Darin approving the aesthetics. Darin uses the word aesthetics often.

Belle Isle has a monorail (like the ones that put Brockway, Odgenville, and North Haverbrook on the map) instead of a subway because, according to Darin, "the monorail offers the highest amount of aesthetics in the shortest amount of time."

Also, though it wasn't explicitly stated in "Belle Isle: Detroit's Game Changer," building a subway system under a 983-acre marshy island in the middle of the Detroit River is probably a bad idea. It would wreak havoc on the foundation of Belle Isle's soon-to-be-built 57-story Four Seasons hotel. A hotel, even one with a Von Mises suite (which this one has), that sinks into the ground would not be aesthetically pleasing.

So what do these two confirmed bachelors do during Joe's visit to this free market paradise where a every building plan must live up to the visual standards of a government bureaucrat? Oh, you know, guy stuff.

They ride the monorail and take in the aesthetics, enjoy veggie sandwiches after visiting Belle Isle's courthouse, appreciate the architecture in the island's "school and church" zone, people watch at a farmer's market where Joe spots a red-headed woman he assumed to be an "Irish lass," and of course have a dinner party at Darin's stylish home.

"The condo had a clean modern feel with touches of natural materials. Italian grey stone pavers at the entry transitioned into a light oak floor of the Great Room. The ceiling was also the same light oak. Opposite the entry was a large fireplace with a chimney that reached to the 10' ceiling. Both the fireplace and chimney matched the stone pavers of the entry. On the walls were paintings and pictures Darin had acquired in Asia. Individual light fixtures resembling inverted snow cones hung from a serpentine chrome track lighting base."

The other three dinner guests are all men. After dinner, they drink port and smoke big cigars on the balcony.

While we would've preferred it if Joe and Darin actually humped at some point in the story because the endless passages of stilted dialogue about half-baked libertarian theory got boring, all and all, "Belle Isle: Detroit's Game Changer" is the best homoerotic vanity press propaganda novel written by a senior housing developer yr Wonket has ever read.

We would recommend it to our friends. (Deadline Detroit)

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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