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Dick Cheney's Heart Still Trying To Escape

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Did you know vice-president-for-life Dick Cheney has a heart? He does! It is a little human-hybrid robotic thing under a black chest plate covered in LED lights, and it is always trying to escape -- some say it is the heart of a once-happy child, but it might be a pig's heart, or the heart of a Killer Whale. Anyway, they're taking Uncle Dick back to the factory hospital today for another overhaul.


For the second time in less than a year, Vice President Dick Cheney will undergo a procedure at George Washington University Hospital to restore his normal heart rhythm.

Experts say the thought of a black man serving as president is driving Cheney absolutely nuts, so he's about to have a hate-based heart attack. After all, as a congressman Dick Cheney voted against a symbolic resolution demanding that South Africa's apartheid government free Nelson Mandela, while also voting Nay more than 10 times on sanctions against the white-racist Pretoria regime in South Africa.

Cheney Has Abnormal Heart Rhythm [Fox News]

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