Did Maine Gov. Paul LePage Steal A Lady's Dog? We Are Just Asking Questions!


Looks like Maine Governor Paul LePage decided to take a day off from hoping heroin addicts die of overdoses and setting up camp deep inside Donald Trump's butt, to do a thing much less terrible than usual -- adopt a shelter dog!

Except that, because he is Paul LePage, he even adopted a shelter dog in a jerky way, by breaking the very rules of the shelter itself and basically stealing a lady's dog, kind of. TO THE TORCHES!

The Greater Androscoggin Human Society gave LePage a Jack Russell terrier mix that was not supposed to be available for adoption until the next day. "The governor walks in your front door and it sort of shifts things a little," said Donna Kincer, the shelter's development director/rule breaker.

The shelter is pretty ok with the situation, believing it will bring them good publicity.

Alas, this broke the heart of one Heath Arsenault, a woman who played by the rules and had intended to wait in line to adopt the dog the next day when he became officially became available for adoption -- and had even taken off work in order to be the first there. She had intended to adopt the dog to help her cope emotionally after a recent sexual assault, and "was attached to the hope that things could start getting better" once he was in her life.

But those plans were destroyed by Gov. Paul LePage, who did not want to play by the rules, and wanted to take the dog home with him THAT DAY, instead of coming back the next day and giving everyone a fair shot. Because he thinks he deserves special rules for being the governor or something. BOO.

As if that is not gross enough, LePage changed the dog's name from Jasper -- a perfectly good and not dumb dog name -- to "Veto." Ostensibly in honor of the 65 vetos he screwed up because he did not think he had to play by the rules of veto-making either.

Of course, Arsenault may get her dog yet, if LePage is anything like fellow Republican Rick Scott, who adopted a shelter dog (who he named REAGAN, because UGH) for campaigning purposes and then just gave it back when he was done! Good luck, lady! Hope LePage is true to form!


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


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