Did Wonkette's Top 10 Shit The Bed Just A Tiny? NAHHHHH
Good morning! Good morning! We slept the whole night through, and also we forgot to do this yesterday afternoon while Evan was out! See that picture up there? That is the only picture of the Wonkette Babby we could find this week without babby vag all over it, because SOMEONE is peeing in the potty, which means SOMEONE is always naked! (She is doing so much naked baby yoga. It is vegan baby butthole ALL OVER THE PLACE.) We told our mom to shut up already, of course she'd be potty trained by the time she was three, and man, we made it just under the wire.
Before we give you Top 10, remember: money, lion, pressure.
That's right. You remember. Wonkette is ad-free, independent, ain't got no venture capital throwing five million dollars at our face: JUST. YOU. So give till it hurts (us, not you; we would NEVER want you to do without so we could hire more writers at a living wage and also go to Mother's Day brunch, unless you are doing without, like, a second ermine stole maybe). Now ON TO THE POSTS!
10. The Week In Garbage Men: Why Did The Mean Feminists Murder This Nice Lady Homemaker Poet? The guy who wrote the story Robyn laughed at then tweeted at us a bunch of butthurt stuff, but do not worry, we dispatched him quickly because he sucked.
9. Rudy Giuliani Would Gladly Pay You Tuesday To Shut Down Investigation Today. Five Dollar Feminist wrote you a great Rudy Giuliani thing, before writing you five more great Rudy Giuliani things. There is something wrong with him.
8. Tomi Lahren, Meet The Great Great Grandfather Prosecuted For Forging His Citizenship Papers! From September 2017! Jennifer Mendelsohn wrote this for us, and we assume it's going to get just as popular every time she flays a new idiot on Twitter.
7. LOL President Dumb Shit Got Played On North Korea, Can You Believe It? You CAN? That's weird.
6. Alex Jones Has Thoughts On Robert Mueller’s Deep State Sex Orgy, By A Doctor Of Rhetoric. Alex Jones defeated Doktor Zoom's attempts to grok him. JOOOOOOONES!
4. Did Roid-Rage Bigot Attorney Aaron Schlossberg’s Partner Run Screaming Away From Him? Looks Like! Plus many other stuffs. That guy sucks.
3. New York Times Wonders If It MAY Have Shit Bed A Tiny On That Little Trump-Russia Story Just That One Time You know what I always say: If I try REALLLLL HARD to write at least three posts a week, one will be in the Top 10! HEY. I'M BUSY.
2. Vanessa Trump, A Verb, And 9/11 … Trump Junior's face and divorce both getting nasty :(
1. Great Artist Jon McNaughton Unveils Exciting New Mueller Painting, ‘Trump Gonna Cut A Bitch.’ You guys are so cultured, and love art criticism so much!
Now you get more baby pictures, like Grown Up Wonkette Woman Donna Rose driving!
Get out the way man! And .... WHAT? Who's THIS pretty girl???
It is EMMA! And she is very very very very very very happy not to live at the shelter anymore, even though it's a really nice shelter and our dad walks dogs there twice a week and all the dogs get walkies and nobody gets kilt. We would show you a pic of dog and babby, but all of them have babby vag in them, like we said.
Okay, GIT OUTTA HEAH! Or stick around, we guess Robyn has some treats for you today.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.