Star Parker Been Watching ZooPorn Again

Star Parker, black conservative pundit and author of "Pimps, Whores, and Welfare Brats," has a very imaginative and disgusting mind. Just Monday she decided to open up her uninspiring mouth and spew forth a stream of bullshit that would make her mentor Rush Limbaugh mighty proud. While pondering the "Gay Agenda" she breathlessly declared her suspicions about what the "B" in LGBTQ was really all about. And just like the worst Encyclopedia Brown that ever lived, she came up with the dumbest conclusion, obviously on purpose, and she felt quite proud of herself. Star Parker self-righteously declared that the "B" secretly means BESTIALITY!!

"But notice they skipped over the 'B,'" Parker continued, apparently not understanding that same-sex marriage lets bisexuals get married to their same-sex partners as well. "There are some that say this 'B' is going to bombard us with real vileness in our society if they get what they want," she continued, "because it's not about bisexuality, it's about bestiality."

See, Star Parker obviously knows these things because somehow she is a super secret spy who gets all the good intel on the Deep State Gay Agenda, and the battle has never been about equal rights. No, Dear Reader, it has always been about salacious and sinister acts of fornication with farm animals, and all those Gay Weddings have just been a ploy to ease the nation into sheep sex and high thread count sheets.

Her nasty imagination notwithstanding, Star Parker possibly spends more time googling ZooPorn than in actually researching any topic that she decides to discuss that day. It's literally the only sensible conclusion. It would take years of Sundays to actually educate and inform people like her that there are actually those of us who like men AND women, so none of us will waste our time when we can just ridicule her for being stupid. And for the ZooPorn addiction? Knock it off, Star! Stop watching that garbage, it's bad for you and it's bad for the zoo animals.

Since she was being so blindly dumb, the host of the show, Vocal Point, jumped in to ask Parker what the hell she was talking about. Parker had to admit that no, she actually has no idea what the hell she's talking about, yet somehow she held firm to her idiocy.

"When asked for clarification by the host of the show, Parker said they didn't know what the B stood for, but also said, "We do know that there is an agenda and we do know that there have been discussions about bestiality in their closed doors. I'm just saying don't be surprised if we find out that that 'B' is not what they said publicly."

Oooooo! Apparently there are super secret meetings of the B gang where we discuss all manner of Donkey Konging and nobody invited me. I would have voted no on my imaginary ballot for sure. Honestly, while it feels bad to be attacked by such stupid people, at the same time it's rather nice to know that Bisexuality is as scary as the rest of the Gay Agenda for once. I'm not sure whether to fight this dumb ass attack or start barking "I'm BISEXUAL, GRRR!" at the next coven of Evangelicals I see.

While it is obvious to the rest of America that the B has always stood for bisexuality, the forces of conservatism are at a loss when it comes to creating new monsters. The bestiality angle has been used before, like when Ben Carson (the pyramids were for GRAIN STORAGE!! PERIOD!!) compared same sex marriage to bestiality, so this is not very impressive. Even Pizza-gate had more hardcore believers.

It is time for America to admit that conservatives really have no idea what the hell is going on outside their bubble of bitter bosom heaving recriminations and daily doses of deluded and disturbing dramas. They are like blind rats in a box filled with their own waste and rot, lashing out at anything that moves, trying to tear through the walls and biting themselves in the process. If you see one gnashing their teeth near you, back away slowly, it's contagious.

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[Daily Dot]


Follow Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @Wonderbitch81, or email her at


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