Dinner Crash: Redskins Player of the Year
Last night, the Washington Redskins held their annual Quarterback Club Player of the Year dinner. One lucky Wonkette Operative was there.
After the jump, George Allen provides a tenuous excuse for us to run this.
I attended the Player-of-the-Year dinner last night at the Sheraton in Tysons Corner. It was chock full of local celebrities.
First of all, there were many confused looking former Redskins and their wives. The QB Club was honoring Joe Jacoby with some sort of lifetime achievement award. Also, they were giving their award for the Redskins Player-of-the-Year (what's with the stupid hyphens). Second of all, there was an open bar. There were also former Redskin cheerleaders. They were selling tchochkes and raffle tickets. After forcing us to browse the pretty awful silent auction items, they allowed us to sit in the dining room.
At my table alone were two former Redskins, Brian Carpenter and some old guy who presented the Lifetime achievement award to Joe. Why exactly did Joe Jacoby receive this award? Is it because he sold a bunch of cars? Or is it they had to roll out some winners to keep morale high after such a terrible season? Brian totally didn't want to be there. He kept looking at his watch and sucking down the free cocktails. Everything he did was mopey. He half raised his hand for the live auction, and was mad when they didn't see his bid.
The event started with the color guard. Next, they introduced some General who is in charge of looking after the wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital. He got a standing O. Next, the general gave a blatant flag waving, W-esque speech about how important it is for the soldiers to go to Iraq and defend our
oil freedom. Next, there was a life auction for the some items, such as Nationals tickets, a golf package, and one of the ugliest paintings I've ever seen. The auctioneer was the voice of the Redskins, Ron Saul. He was half in the bag running the auction. During dinner, Mick Foley the wrestler showed up in the back. He quickly snuck outside to take pictures with the withered old cheerleaders. I also took a picture with him, which I've attached. Larry was introducing various celebs in the audience, such as former Sen. George Allen. For some reason they kept referring to him as Senator, when we all know he isn't anymore. He introduced Mick, but he had already left. In recovery, Ron was introducing other non-attending celebs, such as Elvis.
After selling the ugly ass painting, the award was presented to Jacoby. The man who spoke was reminiscing about the formations of the "Hogs" and nicknames for Jacoby, such as Forklift. He also told a joke. He said that once Jacoby's wife had passed out, and Joe freaked out. He called 911 and said his wife had passed out. The operator asked where he was. Joe said Eucalyptus St. The operator said "spell it." He said, "I'm moving her over to Elm St." That got a few laughs and dirty looks from Jacoby.
Next, the Player-of-the-Year candidates were assembled on stage. The MC for this portion was former Redskin "Doc" Watson. They ran this segment like a TV show. It was pretty bad. I don't think anyone wants to know what football players are thinking. We just wanted it to be over so we could go home. The players said some gems, such as "I love playing hurt" and "If we stick with the team, we'll be champions." They finally announced the winner, who was Randy Thomas. After that, I got some autographs. There was some fat guy threatening Chris Cooley. He said "you better beat the Saints, Chris." I tried to get a picture with George Allen, but he was talking to some
douchebags constituents from his hometown.
All in all, the best part was having the old players making fun of each other.
We encourage all our readers to share their party-crashing tales with us, even if they're events honoring people we've never heard of. Well, usually.