DNC Delegates Finally Resolve This 'God' Business By Going Insane


The Democratic draft platform is cruising right through to completion! You know, just going through a few little amendments via voice vote. Like this business about inserting the word "God" back into the platform and recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Well, one is a semantic issue and the other goes against longstanding U.S. policy but hey, the Republicans were criticizing Democrats over it, which automatically forces Democrats to cave. There was a bit of a planning hitch, however: What if the voice votes are... really close? Perhaps there ought to be a procedure for resolving those accurately, lest the party look incompetent? (BECAUSE THIS ONE ABOUT GOD/JEWS STUFF LOOKED VERY INCOMPETENT.)

So the LA Mayor is up there and calls a voice vote. It sounds roughly even, yea and nay! Then he tries it again. Same thing! Then he stares into space for a while like a fool. It is extremely painful viewing. WHAT NOW? Third vote: again, roughly even, but the God/Jerusalem side are declared winners with a clear 2/3 majority! Boos follow, and now Republican operatives are jacking off on Twitter, saying "DEMOCRATS BOO GOD!"

What a relief! After a few rare months of quality hard-hitting campaigning, the Democratic party may just have its beloved "let's go out of our way to completely fuck up over nothing" swagger back.

This also doesn't help those who still argue that conventions are necessary gatherings, since the voting is fake.



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