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DNC Primary Commission To Abolish Florida, Michigan

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Remember how awesome the news was this time last year, all full of "Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama a plagiarist" and "Mark Penn sucks balls" and that time the governor of New York got caught with an unimaginatively tattooed hooker who had a Hit Song on Myspace for like a day and a half? Jesus God, those were glorious days. We had no AIG to worry about, our dollars were still worth a dollar, and this here web site wrote about politics instead of boring financial news all the time.


In that spirit, we hope a new committee convened to hammer out the Democratic primary schedule in 2012 will quickly devolve into backbiting, recriminations, and heavy subterfuge. It's unlikely, given that most of the committee appointees are Obama minions who will just move to permanently strip Florida and Michigan of all their delegates, plus who really cares about the primaries when the president is just going to run unopposed? Sure, there might be a few fun Senate and House run-offs, but nothing as exciting as Hillary Clinton stomping around South Texas in that awful yellow jacket and Barack Obama forever disgracing himself by talking about how bitter white people are so bitter and white.

A bunch of states will probably angle for a late primary placement the next time around so that even if 2012 is completely boring, 2016 can be another nail-biter. Of course, this only works if there are at least two (2) desirable and credible candidates who fail to establish an early and insurmountable primary lead (or, as in 2008, two candidates who manage to persuade the media that their rivalry is a story worth pursuing even though the primary was effectively wrapped up shortly after Super Tuesday). But everybody knows that 2016 is Hillary's to lose, so who cares, unless she runs against Barney Frank or something.

It’s Never Too Soon to Think About 2012 [The Caucus]

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Barack Obama delivered his first major address of his post-presidency Tuesday at an event in Johannesburg, South Africa, honoring the 100th anniversary of Nelson Mandela's birth. It was -- as you'd expect for the occasion -- appropriately dignified and thoughtful. It was also every bit as inspiring as you might expect from the first black American president speaking in memory of the first black president of a nation that for most of its modern history was synonymous with apartheid. Let's take some time to bask in what an actual world leader sounds like, shall we?

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Guess what Vladimir Putin's getting for Christmas! He's been dropping hints, and you know the Big Orange Baboon can't say no to him for some unknown reason. Gonna be so cute when little Vladdy stumbles down the stairs in his PJs, brushes the sleep from his eyes, and finds MONTENEGRO all wrapped up with a big bow under the Christmas tree. Adorbz!

Oh, but we are to kid! Just a little levity as President Treasonweasel slams a sledgehammer into the international framework that kept us out of another world war for the past 70 years. So why are we suddenly talking about a tinyass country whose chief export appears to be consonants? (Sorry, Montenegro. But your Predsjednik Crne Gore is Milo Đukanović, and your capital city is Cetinje, which is just cheating at Scrabble.)

Well! Donald Trump just got out of a two-hour, closed-door meeting with Vladimir Putin, whose government tried to stage a coup in 2016 to assassinate Đukanović and stop Montenegro's accession to the European Union. Which might not be a coincidence!

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