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Out of all the characters in the story of the Trump-Russia conspiracy, Roger Stone bores us the most. Considering Stone's bombastic "LOOKUH ME! I'M THE DIRTY TRICKSTER FIXER!" personality, it would probably kill him to know we think Paul Manafort is more interesting than he is. Oh well. We do think it's funny how he thinks the CIA is constantly assassinating him, though. But, aside from that ... meh. Maybe if he had a normal shaped head, we would like him better.

There is a point to this post, we swear, and it is that special counsel Robert Mueller is taking a close look-see at Stone, especially regarding his claims of being BFFs with WikiLeaks trashball Julian Assange:

The special counsel investigating alleged links between Trump campaign associates and Russians is looking into longtime adviser Roger Stone’s 2016 claim that he had met with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, according to a person familiar with the matter. [...]

In an email dated Aug. 4, 2016, Mr. Stone wrote: “I dined with Julian Assange last night,” according to a copy of the message reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Stone is a longtime informal adviser to President Donald Trump who at that point had no official campaign role.

The note, to former Trump adviser Sam Nunberg, adds to a growing number of times Mr. Stone claimed during the campaign to be in contact with WikiLeaks. The next day, Mr. Stone publicly praised Mr. Assange via Twitter.

OH HEY SAM NUNBERG! Sounds like Nunberg's newfound willingness to cooperate with Mueller, after spending a day drunk-dialing every news organization in America to bellyache about how he wasn't going to cooperate because he didn't want to hurt his beloved adopted father Roger Stone, is bearing some fruit!

Roger Stone is always going back and forth on whether he literally actually is BFFs with Julian Assange, or whether he is just a starfucker who met Julian Assange once and they're not even Facebook friends. About this email, Stone says it was OBVIOUSLY a joke (haha! LMAO!) and that this doesn't count as conspiracy because he said it "in jest." Maybe he was attempting to be funny, all elegantly saying I DINED WITH JULIAN ASSANGE like he's a soldier writing home from the battlefield like MY DEAREST GWENDOLYN! No, it's not very funny, but Roger Stone is a dork with an oddly shaped head, so we're not expecting a barrel of kneeslappers.

Of course, as WSJ reminds us, Stone has seemed to be in the know about certain aspects of the Russian WikiLeaks operation to release stolen emails from the Hillary Clinton campaign and the DNC. For instance, it wasn't too long after this Stone email that he tweeted about how it would soon be Clinton campaign chair John Podesta's "time in the barrel," which strangely happened just before WikiLeaks started dumping Podesta's emails. Oh, but Stone has an answer for that too! He was only saying he thought all kinds of dirty information was going to come out about Podesta's brother's firm and its foreign lobbying, from somewhere. Is that so? Fuck if we know! Do we care? Nah, let's let Robert Mueller figure it out, because again, Roger Stone is BOOOOOOORING. And if Stone is indeed guilty, then it will be HIS "time in the barrel," like he tweeted about Podesta.

That is, if the CIA doesn't assassinate Roger Stone a bunch of times before Robert Mueller has a chance to do that. Sucks how the CIA always does that to poor Roger. It's a good thing he gets better.

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[Wall Street Journal]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Deutsche Bank shitcanned its own internal compliance reports to disappear suspicious Trump and Kushner transactions and make sure Treasury never got wind of them? You mean the bank that continued to make loans to Trump after every other lender tapped out, that accepted his overnight doubling of his "net worth" by claiming his brand was worth $4 billion, that continued to write him checks after he defaulted and then sued them claiming the 2008 financial crisis was an "act of God?" Those prudent beancounters cut corners to benefit their wealthy clients? FAM, WE ARE SHOOK.

No, not really. It would be shocking to find out that the private wealth managers let algorithms work their magic on high net worth individuals and turned the reports over to Treasury like they would for some guy making $75,000 who got a $19,000 wire from the Isle of Man. The rules for rich people are different, and Deutsche Bank did not get to be part of the "Global Laundromat" by taking all those anti-money laundering statutes literally. (And if you think the other big banks aren't doing the exact same thing, the Easter Bunny has a bridge to sell you. This is why Elizabeth Warren freaks the finance guys out -- she knows where all the bodies are buried.)

At the same time, this story in the New York Times about Deutsche Bank compliance officer Tammy McFadden getting fired for pointing out Trump and Kush's hinky transactions in 2016 -- including some with Russians, natch -- is pretty ridiculous. With regulators on two continents breathing down their necks for laundering Russian money, DB's private wealth bankers were allowed to swoop in and save their clients from any of that icky federal snooping into their questionable transactions.

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To be honest, we're not 100 percent sure who's right in the argument over whether 2020 Democratic primary candidates should do town halls on Fox News, though we suspect it's Elizabeth Warren, because she's usually right. But if you are going to do it, then Pete Buttigieg showed us all how you should do it, which is to make sure you get all the way under the skin of Fox News's most regular viewer, the chunk of human cells and pigshit who lounges around the White House all day watching TV and apparently not (thank God) doing much work.

In fact, the president was whining hours before the town hall even started:

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