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A customer is outraged over something a restaurant employee did. Does that outrage reveal them to in fact be the asshole? (Hint: the answer to this question is always yes.)

A Domino's customer in Texas ordered a pizza five minutes before closing time. The pizza was delivered quickly and correctly. So what's the problem, you ask? That it came with the above "rude and insensitive" note, which has the customer "outraged." Take it away, Customer's-Friend-Who-Is-The-Worst:

“It was the rudest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Kerry Miller, who’s [sic] friend is a nurse in Paris.

The nurse placed the order to the Domino’s five minutes before the store closed at midnight.

“I don’t care if they called one minute ‘til, the business is still open. Service your customers,” said Miller.

Hold on, we have to go make the world's longest and most expansive fart noise.

So, okay, yes, this was kind of a dumb thing for the employee to do. And technically, yeah, you are well within your rights to order from a pizza place five minutes before it closes. Sure. You are also technically within your rights to fart in an old lady's face on a crowded subway car. You really shouldn't do either of those things, though, because the social contract clearly states that if you do, you are an asshole.

Closing times in restaurants are ultimately more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule. There's a general rule of thumb for customer behavior here, though, and it goes something like this: if what you are doing would cause the employees to have to stay past closing time, don't fucking do it. (Significant exception: if you are Kevin Smith and are willing to not just apologize, but pay every employee's rent. Then it's cool.)

And yes, to a large extent, this is the restaurant's fault. A lot of local places won't even take orders that come in that close to closing time, which is exactly how they should be handling it. This is a chain, though, and chains -- especially large ones -- live by the motto "Who Gives A Shit About Our Employees, The Shithead Customer Is Always Right." The employees thus have no recourse but to get fucked over, which is why it's the customer's responsibility to try not to fuck them over.

In case you thought the customer (or at least his friend) couldn't possibly seem like more of a dick, here you go:

What angers Miller is that nurses save lives every day no matter the time, the holiday or the weather.

“How would you feel if you wrote something like that and then the next day you were laying there?” questioned Miller.

Why exactly should any of us give one scuttering fuck that the asshat customer in question was a nurse? Who the hell cares what their profession is? You're not more entitled to be a dick to service employees just because you spend your days cleaning up poop. We've seen this same argument when military personnel treat their servers like shit: "Well, we protect your freedoms, so who cares that we stiffed you on a $100 check and then peed in the billfold." It doesn't fly there, and it sure as shit doesn't here, either.

Domino's has, of course, apologized to the customer, but has not said whether the employee will ultimately face disciplinary action for nicely asking the customer to stop being such a shitbag. Hahaha, we laugh mirthlessly -- of course they will. They'll probably wind up offering to have the employee publicly executed if it will salve the precious customer's fee-fees. Can't have a single potential customer saying a mean thing about Domino's on social media, now, can we?

Burn it all down, thank you and good night.

[CBS]

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

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It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

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She should have been more embarrassed.

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