Donate

Have you seen that video of CNN dudes Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo that's going around, as they spend a hand-off making fun of Tucker Carlson's demeanor and Tucker Carlson's face and Tucker Carlson's entire sad existence? It is cute, if you like CNN! (Negatory.) Don Lemon does his best impression of Carlson's GRRR ARGH SERIOUS PUPPY DOG FACE and Chris Cuomo chuckles along, until both men turn dour as they contemplate a world where people take Tucker Carlson seriously. It's refreshing to see cable news anchors shitting so openly on Tucker Carlson, because Carlson is a bigoted homophobic racist xenophobic loudmouthed piece of pube mucus who doesn't deserve any respect.

Watch the video if you'd like! It won't take you too much time!



Cable anchors all seem to have their own ways of shitting on Fox, some more openly than others. It's a good thing. Over on MSNBC, Nicolle Wallace often can't contain her laughter at what's going on at Fox; Lawrence O'Donnell calls Sean Hannity a dumbass at least every other night; and Chris Hayes just calls Fox "Trump TV."

But this light ribbing from Cuomo and Lemon really #triggered a couple of wingnut "news" organs, and they are fighting back against the big CNN bullies by whining that their Aryan superhero Tucker Carlson -- who is again literally afraid of gay dudes in the bathroom -- has much bigger genitals ratings than those CNN guys so I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I and SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

First of all, there is the Washington Times, which decries the "shocking mocking" of Tucker Carlson in its very headline! (Snowflakes.) Writer Cheryl Chumley calls out CNN's "mean-spirited banter," which proves why the network is the "worst of the worst." (Fox News is never ever mean-spirited.) Chumley says Cuomo and Lemon are "two of the left's media heroes," so we can assume she was reporting with her head firmly ensconced in her ass, banished as it obviously has been from interacting with any members of "the left," such that she might know who we do and do not consider "heroes."

Then she hits us with some #analysis:

It was a grade school schtick; something you'd expect to hear from kids in middle school, trying to pretend like they didn't want to be in the popular crowd by poking fun at the popular kids. And no doubt, jealousy and fear were the driving motivations behind Lemon's and Cuomo's on-air gibes.

You guys, Tucker Carlson is, again, scared of gay dudes in the bathroom. He's scared of Mexicans interfering in our god-fearing caucasian elections. In fact, he's scared of anybody who isn't a white heterosexual man. And yet Chumley's thesis is that Cuomo and Lemon are somehow making fun of Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson because he is a popular kid. It really makes you wonder what kind of high school Cheryl Chumley went to, that such a man as Carlson would have been one of the "cool kids."

She proceeds to write a bunch of horseshit about Carlson's ratings, as if we are supposed to be impressed that a bunch of unbathed white power rangers gather around their TV each night to watch their hero whine about how oppressed he is. She relies on an article that shows that, year to date, Carlson is indeed number four among cable shows. (We're number 4! We're number 4!) Ahead of him? Maddow. Hannity is on top, but he and Maddow have been fighting it out all year.

Over at the Conservative Tribune, we have more whining about precious Tucker's precious ratings, under this headline:

Holy shit, bless their hearts.

We could be mean and point out that while it may be true that Fox has better ratings than CNN, MSNBC is doing fine. We could also be mean and point out that we'd rather be in a room with 100 of CNN or MSNBC's viewers than a million of Fox's any day, if only to avoid whatever that must smell like. But we won't be mean, because we are a Christian.

Anyway, jolly good ribbing, Cuomo and Lemon! We will continue to watch your shows never, but we're glad you're calling a spade a fucking dork.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Please give us money RIGHT THERE BELOW if you want us to live FOREVER.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc