Donate

Have you seen that video of CNN dudes Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo that's going around, as they spend a hand-off making fun of Tucker Carlson's demeanor and Tucker Carlson's face and Tucker Carlson's entire sad existence? It is cute, if you like CNN! (Negatory.) Don Lemon does his best impression of Carlson's GRRR ARGH SERIOUS PUPPY DOG FACE and Chris Cuomo chuckles along, until both men turn dour as they contemplate a world where people take Tucker Carlson seriously. It's refreshing to see cable news anchors shitting so openly on Tucker Carlson, because Carlson is a bigoted homophobic racist xenophobic loudmouthed piece of pube mucus who doesn't deserve any respect.

Watch the video if you'd like! It won't take you too much time!



Cable anchors all seem to have their own ways of shitting on Fox, some more openly than others. It's a good thing. Over on MSNBC, Nicolle Wallace often can't contain her laughter at what's going on at Fox; Lawrence O'Donnell calls Sean Hannity a dumbass at least every other night; and Chris Hayes just calls Fox "Trump TV."

But this light ribbing from Cuomo and Lemon really #triggered a couple of wingnut "news" organs, and they are fighting back against the big CNN bullies by whining that their Aryan superhero Tucker Carlson -- who is again literally afraid of gay dudes in the bathroom -- has much bigger genitals ratings than those CNN guys so I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I and SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

First of all, there is the Washington Times, which decries the "shocking mocking" of Tucker Carlson in its very headline! (Snowflakes.) Writer Cheryl Chumley calls out CNN's "mean-spirited banter," which proves why the network is the "worst of the worst." (Fox News is never ever mean-spirited.) Chumley says Cuomo and Lemon are "two of the left's media heroes," so we can assume she was reporting with her head firmly ensconced in her ass, banished as it obviously has been from interacting with any members of "the left," such that she might know who we do and do not consider "heroes."

Then she hits us with some #analysis:

It was a grade school schtick; something you'd expect to hear from kids in middle school, trying to pretend like they didn't want to be in the popular crowd by poking fun at the popular kids. And no doubt, jealousy and fear were the driving motivations behind Lemon's and Cuomo's on-air gibes.

You guys, Tucker Carlson is, again, scared of gay dudes in the bathroom. He's scared of Mexicans interfering in our god-fearing caucasian elections. In fact, he's scared of anybody who isn't a white heterosexual man. And yet Chumley's thesis is that Cuomo and Lemon are somehow making fun of Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson because he is a popular kid. It really makes you wonder what kind of high school Cheryl Chumley went to, that such a man as Carlson would have been one of the "cool kids."

She proceeds to write a bunch of horseshit about Carlson's ratings, as if we are supposed to be impressed that a bunch of unbathed white power rangers gather around their TV each night to watch their hero whine about how oppressed he is. She relies on an article that shows that, year to date, Carlson is indeed number four among cable shows. (We're number 4! We're number 4!) Ahead of him? Maddow. Hannity is on top, but he and Maddow have been fighting it out all year.

Over at the Conservative Tribune, we have more whining about precious Tucker's precious ratings, under this headline:

Holy shit, bless their hearts.

We could be mean and point out that while it may be true that Fox has better ratings than CNN, MSNBC is doing fine. We could also be mean and point out that we'd rather be in a room with 100 of CNN or MSNBC's viewers than a million of Fox's any day, if only to avoid whatever that must smell like. But we won't be mean, because we are a Christian.

Anyway, jolly good ribbing, Cuomo and Lemon! We will continue to watch your shows never, but we're glad you're calling a spade a fucking dork.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Please give us money RIGHT THERE BELOW if you want us to live FOREVER.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc