Donald Trump Bans Mean Spanishes From Fancy-Pants Miami Resort
Amidst the PURE APPLESAUCE and INTERPRETIVE JIGGERY POKERY of last week's marriage and Obamacare news, you might have missed the very important story of how Donald Trump is being forced to sue Univision, because it was mean to him and decided against airing his Miss Universe Pageant, due to the fact that Trump has been a real dick toward Mexicans lately, saying Mexican immigrants are druggers, crimers and rapists. Trump is now continuing his baby temper tantrum, by banning all Univision employees from this one Miami hotel he owns:
The real estate magnate and GOP presidential candidate penned a letter to Randy Falco, president of Univision Communications, in which he bans the company’s employees from his Trump National Doral hotel in Miami.
“Under no circumstances is any officer or representative of Univision allowed to use Trump National Doral, Miami — its golf courses or any of its facilities,” Trump wrote.
We were worried that Univision employees would be very upset and say lots of sad words in the Mexican language about this, but then we checked Yelp and discovered that Miami has quite a few hotels and golf courses, so we stopped worrying. Of course, this one Trump hotel, which we had never heard of, is apparently right next to the new, under construction, Miami Univision headquarters. Trump would like Univision to stop building its thing, of course, because the very existence of it is wounding Trump's sad pussy pride:
He also called for Univision to cease construction on its Miami headquarters adjacent to Trump’s hotel. He warned that if the construction isn’t stopped and the gate between the two properties is not closed, “we will close it.”
So close the gate, dumbass. We're quite sure Univision will survive, SOMEHOW. And we're also quite sure that Univision appreciates Trump's behavior. Mondays are usually such a bummer, but today, everybody at the company has something to laugh and laugh and laugh about.
Trump's tirade continued:
“P.S. Please congratulate your Mexican Government officials for having made such outstanding trade deals with the United States,” he wrote.
“However, inform them that should I become President, those days are over. We are bringing jobs back to the U.S. Also, a meaningful border will be immediately created, not the laughingstock that currently exists.”
Right now, somebody is writing the most hilarious narcocorrido song ever, riffing off Trump saying "should I become president."
The president of Univision, Alberto Ciurana, tried to say, "Hey, you stupid ass, we're sorry that we made you so very sad," but Trump doesn't want to accept the apology, because, like all selfish assholes, he feels the need to retain some semblance of control:
"Apology not accepted. I call for his resignation as president of Univision and Univision should not be allowed to host the Presidential debate. It is a total conflict of interest," Trump said in a statement.
Oh well. We'd advise the employees of Univision to just go on with their lives and ignore the big selfish baby. When and if Trump is ready to talk about his feelings, he'll pick up the phone.