Put this guy next to the big red nuclear button, everyone! Donald Trump was speaking to some Iowa Republicans at Wartburg College, and there was a baby, and it was crying, and guess what? Trump did not lose his cool. He did not yell. He did not rage. His hair did not shoot right off his head and into neighboring Nebraska, propelled by the smoke coming out of his ears. He didn't even make fun of the baby! You know why? Because Trump. Trump. TRUMP!

He even made the crying infant a prop in his dumbass speech about ISIS and terrorism and stuff:

“Who has the oil?” Trump said, referring to Iraq. “ISIS has the oil. We could have had the oil. ISIS has the oil. ISIS! And the rest of it is had by Iran.”

“We have to be very, very careful. We have to be very, very strong,” the reality star insisted. “We’re going to take back all our money from the people who have been taking advantage. People like — did you hear that baby that was crying before? It’s like taking that baby’s candy right out of her mouth.”

Trump added: “And did you notice that baby was crying through half of the speech and I didn’t get angry? Not once. Did you notice that? That baby was driving me crazy. I didn’t get angry once because I didn’t want to insult the parents for not taking the kid out of the room!”

Did you notice how poised he was? Breathtaking. Know where else Trump never insulted a baby? On The Apprentice! Oh sure, you might say, that show never had a baby edition, but that's stupid, because babies can't do business like Trump can do business.

So Trump said that he showed remarkable "restraint" when he kept himself from drop-kicking the fussy infant onto its head. This is clearly because he is the only real Family Values Candidate in the race, which means he knows a thing or two about what you are and are not supposed to do to babies. And of course note that, amidst the wailing of the baby (probably because it was in the room with TRUMP!), he said "ISIS" several times, as opposed to that namby pamby Obama "president," who pronounces it "ISIL," and therefore wants the terrorists to win.

During the question and answer Trump-time love-chat that followed his speech, Trump was very excited to tell everyone how successful he is, all while making a very, very important promise:

“You drive down the West Side highway [in New York City] and you see Trump all over the place,” he said. “It drives you crazy. Trump! Trump!

“But I swear to you I’m not going to change the name of the White House. I swear.”

Trump! Trump Trump Trump Trump! He swears he won't name the White House after himself, which is called "Trump."

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Anyway, we are just glad to know that Trump's speech went better than THE LAST time he was in Iowa, when that commie rag the New York Post decided to just cold make fun of everything he said, except for the part about how Donald Trump is a moron and they wrote nothing of the sort. Maybe the Post can do a nice write-up of this speech, and hopefully they won't mess it up and say Trump accidentally suffocated a crying baby, just by talking to it, with his Trump mouth.

[Raw Story]



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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