Donald Trump Endorses Jeff Sessions For Loser Of Alabama Senate Primary Runoff
The moment Jeff Sessions shamelessly debased himself to avoid finally came. Tuesday, Donald Trump officially endorsed Tommy Tuberville in the runoff election on March 31. Tuberville has greatly impressed Trump with his bold platform of not being Jeff Sessions.
Trump reminded voters that Tuberville was once a "terrific" head football coach at Auburn University, and although this makes Tuberville more qualified for political office than Trump himself, that's a very low bar. Every line of Trump's endorsement is a not-so-subtle dig at Sessions: Tuberville is "a REAL LEADER who will never let MAGA/KAG, or our Country down," unlike Sessions who betrayed Trump when he remained loyal to his oath of office.
The president contends that Tuberville is a "winner" and by extension Sessions is a big loser. Data actually supports this assertion. Tuberville is currently stomping the guts out of Sessions in runoff polls. He has a double digit lead over the racist elf, whose approval among his former constituents has steadily declined during the primary race. Sessions made a compelling case that he was a good and faithful Trump sycophant, but GOP voters aren't buying it.
Sessions has tried to paint Tuberville as a “carpetbagger" who was voting for lousy Republican candidates in Florida just a couple years ago. Tuberville does own properties along the Florida Panhandle (someone has to) and two condos in Panama City Beach.
"Tuberville claims to be an 'outsider' in this race," said Jon Jones, campaign manager for Sessions. "Well, he is an outsider – Tuberville lives, votes and still pays taxes in Florida. He's a Florida man."
Tuberville doesn't have a long-form birth certificate from Alabama, but he and his wife, Suzanne, are registered voters in the state and have owned a home in Auburn since 2017. Alabama law only requires that a Senate candidate is 30 years old, a registered Alabama voter, and a state resident for a whole day. That more than meets the requirements to deny Sessions his old job.
In fairness to Tuberville, coaches often have to move around a lot, and in exchange for the nomadic life, they make an absurd amount of money. (The players whose labor colleges exploit earn jack shit.) He received a $5.1 million buyout from the Auburn Tigers in 2008. That was a sweet deal because he quit, and Auburn wasn't contractually obligated to give him a dime or even a going-away party. Sessions released a “gotcha" ad featuring Tuberville at Santa Rosa Beach, which he describes as a “great place to live." The narrator cannily observes, “Florida? Not Alabama," which is true. That and Disney World are the main attractions.
This line of attack is hilarious but desperate and unlikely to prevent Sessions's public humiliation at the polls in a few weeks. Trump might not return to Washington DC next year, but he's going to make damn sure Sessions doesn't, either.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).