Donald Trump Hates This Stupid Mic, And He's Gonna Kill It And Its Whole Stupid Family!


No, fuck YOU

Donald Trump might have been born in the United States of the American United States, unlike some people ahem named Ted Cruz, but we must still question whether Trump is eligible to be president, since he is apparently six years old.

During a rally in Pensacola, Florida, Trump interrupted his own unbridled id stream of consciousness to throw a temper tantrum about the quality of the sound system, which was not terrific, just the best, really the best microphone you ever heard:

And by the way, I don't like this mic. Whoever the hell brought this mic system, don't pay the son of a bitch who brought it in. I'll tell ya, these people. No, this mic is terrible. Stupid mic keeps popping! Do you hear that, GEORGE? Don't pay 'em. Don't pay 'em! You know, I believe in paying. But when somebody does a bad job, like this stupid mic, you shouldn't pay the bastard. Terrible. Terrible! It's true.

And you gotta be tough with your people, cuz they'll pay. They don't care. So we're not gonna pay. I guarantee I'm not paying for this mic. Every two minutes, I hear, like, boom. Boom!

So Trump guarantees the poor son of a bitch who set up the microphone for Trump to shout his bile into doesn't get paid for doing his job. Aw, that's nice. Bet people will be lining up to work Trump events now for sure.

And while Trump, great guy that he is, doesn't have a problem, generally speaking, with paying people for doing work, Mic Guy clearly doesn't deserve his paycheck this week. And, we can only assume, if Trump's stellar team does a bad job of making sure Mic Guy doesn't get paid for doing a bad job, well, Trump will make sure they don't get paid either. Got that, George?

Naturally, the crowd of Trump fans -- people who probably enjoy getting paid for doing their jobs, even when things go wrong and there are technical difficulties -- thought this was fucking hilarious and laughed and laughed and oh how they laughed. We're amazed we haven't heard any stories (yet) of the mob hunting down that Mic Guy and taunting him, punching him, and cheering as Trump's goons escorted from the state. Who knows -- maybe Trump's fans are maturing, even if he isn't.


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