Donald Trump Is Yoogest Evangelical, Also A Jew For Jesus Maybe
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins
More big Donald Trump news today: Now that he's finally found a Bible verse he likes (even if it doesn't exist), he is doing his very best to suck up to the wackiest fringes of the evangelist movement. Not necessarily the biggest figures on the Christian Right, but the hucksters and "Prosperity Gospel" crazies, the folks who insist that what Jesus really wants you to do is grow rich, especially if you send a Love Offering to this 800 number, operators are standing by right now! Says Politico's Ben Schreckinger:
Still winning with evangelical voters but unpopular with their leaders, his campaign has begun training its outreach efforts on media-friendly pastors and advocates of the prosperity gospel – including a Jews for Jesus preacher with a television show and a Christian broadcasting executive known for her taste in oversized pink wigs – who are less turned off by his brash style and history of socially liberal positions.
That would be "Rabbi" Kirt Schneider, who has an awesome website called "Discovering the Jewish Jesus," and weird money-magnet Jan Crouch, one of Wonkette's favorite Jebus grifters. We're delighted to see that even after the death of her partner in fraud Paul, she's still out there hovering around money like an optimistic moth at a porch lamp. Maybe Donald will get her a new motor home for her dogs!
Oh, sure, a lot of evangelicals are going with Ben Carson, who shares their dedication to creationism and actually can quote the Bible at the drop of a hat, but Trump is really getting along with the televangelist crowd, because just like him, they're in show business.
“They’re very comfortable with big personalities and TV personalities,” said Gary Marx, a former executive director of the Faith and Freedom Coalition, of so-called “charismatic” evangelicals and televangelists. “If he’s going to build a bridge into the faith-based community that’s really the best way for him to start. It’s not going to be with the high-minded Presbyterians and Episcopalians.”
And despite his disappointing reception at last Friday's Value Voters Summit, where he got booed for attacking Mario Rubio and vowed he'd save Christmas, to merely polite applause, Trump managed to get himself a great big blessing from a bunch of TV preachers Monday when they came to offer their blessings at Trump Tower. There was some mild criticism; a couple of the televangelists suggested that he might want to consider knocking off all the personal attacks on other candidates (expect Trump to call the preachers weaklings on Twitter), but Darrell Scott, a Pentecostal preacher from Cleveland, got a big round of applause when he said, “To be quite honest if you tone it down too much, you won’t be you.”
Scott later explained to Politico that Trump just needed some minor tweaks: “You do need to refrain somewhat from calling someone a moron or something, but you can’t turn into a milquetoast neither for the sake of winning a vote." You know, like when Jesus said, "Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him and take that jerk down so fast it'll make your head spin."
The meeting closed with Trump asking the pastors to pray for him, possibly because he saw how well that went over for the pope last week, and possibly because he wanted to see exactly how that works, anyway. Here's Politico's description of the scene:
As it came to an end, televangelist Paula White said Trump wanted them to pray for him. Trump nodded, and the faith leaders laid hands on him and prayed.
Oh, but that bloodless pair of sentences doesn't nearly capture the supreme weirdness of the moment. Thank Crom, Joe.My.God. managed to scare up some video and a somewhat more passionate account of the Gathering of the Christalos from Christian Broadcast News.
Among the attendees were televangelists Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, conservative evangelical Christian Pastor David Jeremiah, TBN religious broadcaster Jan Crouch, Pastor Paula White, Jews For Jesus Rabbi Kirt Schneider and Pastor Darrell Scott. The meeting lasted roughly two and a half hours and ended with pastors gathering around Trump and laying their hands on him in prayer. Kenneth Copeland, Paula White, and Rabbi Schneider prayed during that time, asking the Lord to give the GOP presidential frontrunner wisdom, stability and knowledge necessary to pursue this endeavor. They also prayed for America and for God’s will to be done. During the meeting, he talked about his Christian faith. At one point he admitted that he may not have read the Bible as much as the pastors in the room.
The video is a thing of beauty, a YOOGE loaves and fishes out of water comedy, as Trump patiently acts like he has something in common with these Jesus people. It might be the funniest thing since that witch-hunter prayed the witches out of Alaska for Sarah Palin. Just watch Trump's expression and body language, especially at the 50-second point, where "Rabbi" Kirt Schneider grabs his face, the better to get the Jewish Jesus on him as he recites a priestly blessing -- "may god bless you and protect you" -- in Hebrew, except all Jesused-up by replacing "Adonai" with "Yahweh."
Yep, this is a man who is really big on Jesus, a huge fan of the Bible. We can hardly wait for him to start speaking in tongues. It might make his standard stump speech more comprehensible.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.