Who is allowed to talk right now? The ogre on the left? No, it is never the ogre on the left.


Of all the people in the whole entire wide world who have THE RIGHT to open their mouths about Adam Rippon, America's favorite figure skater since, we dunno, Michelle Kwan or something, Donald Trump Jr., with his face that looks like he had plastic surgery to make himself look at all times like he just got beat up, ranks very low on the list.

But yet Dumbass Fuckface Trump Junior persisted.

We all know Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon has made news lately, because of how A) he skated the most beautiful free skate in the world the other night and for some reason got basically the same artistic score as a Russian idiot whose "artistry" was nonexistent, and B) he's been pretty open about how he has no desire to meet ignorant gay-hating loser waste of space Vice President Mike Pence, either at the Olympics, after the Olympics, or at a gay bar in Dupont Circle once Mother Pence goes to sleep.

Guess who's SO MAD about that second thing? That's right, it is Donald Trump's greatest sperm mistake, Donald Trump Jr., who opened his misshapen yapping slit to give his very unimportant opinions on Adam Rippon and Mike Pence:

OK first of all, fuck you, WeenerStump McPantyDribbles Junior. Adam Rippon can talk about whatever the fuck he wants to talk about, and if he wants to read your dad's piece of shit homophobic theocrat vice president for filth -- a guy who incidentally may be a closet case but we don't know because only Jesus knows what Mike Pence thinks about when he's having his biannual bout of shame copulation with Mother -- then that is Adam Rippon's goddamned business.

But also? Mike Pence has been reportedly bothered by Adam Rippon's rejections of his desperate entreaties for some alone time together. Mike Pence just wants to talk! Maybe he wants to give him some old fashioned Christian counseling! We're not saying Mike Pence wants to give Rippon the same type of Christian counseling that Pennsylvania pastor was caught doing with the tied-up naked guy in his car, but we're not not saying it either. Again, only Jesus knows Mike Pence's deepest urges.

Hell, Pence was so bothered he tweeted at Rippon, you know, just trying to say for real he loves Adam Rippon very much and he is definitely here for Adam Rippon, he just wants to hold Adam Rippon and whisper to Adam Rippon and caress Adam Rippon's delicious abs, allegedly ...


For the record, here is what Rippon actually said about how he doesn't want his whole Olympics to be about Mike Pence:

I don't want my Olympic experience to be about Mike Pence. I want it to be about my amazing skating, and um ... being America's sweetheart!

Did you catch that?

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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