Donald Trump Learns About Delicious Space Pee
that's not space pee
Donald Trump is having a very exciting day! No, he did not get to go VROOM VROOM in a big truck, but maybe he will before the day is out. But he did get to sit in the Oval Office, next to his hot daughter Ivanka, and talk to a real live SPACE LADY who is currently in OUTER SPACE. And the SPACE LADY talked to him about PEE, which is definitely not his favorite, because He. Is. A. Germophobe. He. Swears.
The call, according to the New York Daily News, was arranged because astronaut Peggy Whitson has broken a record by being in space for 534 days. Yes, she is one of the lucky ones who hasn't actually had to be on Earth for one solitary second of Donald Trump's presidency, but we guess she'll have a good view of the action if/when Trump fucks it all up with North Korea.
Anyway, their conversation:
“Better you than me,” President Trump says when Peggy Whitman tells him they are purifying urine for drinking water https://t.co/yGc7PryhVa
— CNN (@CNN) April 24, 2017
TRUMP: What are we learning from having you spending your time up there? I know so much research is done, I'm getting a glimpse of some of it right here in the Oval Office. What are we learning by being in space?
What are we learning by "being in space," just in general? Oh, just really cool space stuff. Whitson ticked off some science-y things, and then told the president a really neat-o space fact about pee:
WHITSON: Water is such a precious resource up here that we also are cleaning up our urine and making it drinkable — and it’s really not as bad as it sounds.
And then Trump made this face:
And then he said this:
TRUMP: Well that's good. I'm glad to hear that. Better you than me.
"So wait a minute," Trump allegedly was thinking right then. "Maybe science isn't so bad after all. Is that lady saying the Russian pee hookers could pee in space, and then BING BONG SCIENCE! they could turn the Russian pee hooker pee into refreshing water? Tremendous! It's a shame these NASA people are losers who believe the fake news Chinese hoax about global warming, otherwise maybe they could teach us something."
The New York Daily News reports that Trump, desperate for an accomplishment we guess, really wants to go to Mars, assuming the red planet would have him. Oh wait, our bad, he wants NASA people to go to Mars, preferably by the time he is done being president:
“Unfortunately, space flight takes a lot of time and money, so getting there will require some international cooperation to get it to be a planet-wide approach, in order to make it successful,” Whitson said. “But it is so worthwhile.”
“Well, we want to try doing it during my first term, or at worst during my second term,” Trump grinned. “So we’ll have to speed that up a little bit, OK?”
Awwwww, you guys, Trump had much fun on his phone call with space lady. This is the part of presidenting he was looking forward to, just like when he got to go BEEP BEEP DUMP TRUCK! He needs more of these moments. Before he was elected, he thought being president was going to be 24/7 pussgrabbing and schmoozing and grifting and golfing, but then he was inaugurated and everybody was like, "You actually have to do work," and "You suck." Plus, he learned that missiles can kill people and also that the United States is a really big country, which means all of a sudden he's got tons of so-called "responsibility," which makes him :(
But today he got to talk about space pee with space lady and hot Ivanka was sitting next to him and boy oh boy, it was a good day.
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