Donald Trump, Show Us The Long-Form Stock Sale Certificate!

Now free of conflicts of interest, other than every other aspect of his finances

Hey, all you dishonest lamestream media vultures, time to stop accusing Donald Trump of having any financial conflicts of interest, because according to both the Trump transition team and the Great Hairball himself, he sold all his stocks back in June, and no, you can't see any proof he did because he doesn't have to show you. Mr. Trump would like to thank you for this opportunity to prove how transparent and open he is, and no, he's still not releasing his taxes. Now pay attention to his Twitter stream and stop asking questions.

Trump spokescreature Jason Miller announced the evidence-free claim to the media Tuesday, and Trump himself took to the Today Show as well to confirm that he too is definitely saying he sold all his stocks. Look, here is a transcript of the relevant part of the interview, which makes it the God's Honest Truth:

He told everybody about it, just everybody. Weren't you listening? What, you want a receipt? You people make Donald Trump sick.

In an indication that perhaps Our Media Is Learning, most reports of the claim have been careful to note Team Trump provided no proof of the supposed stock sale, and also pointed out that Trump's stock portfolio represented only a tiny fraction of his financial interests, which mostly comprise his real estate holdings and his vast income from licensing the Trump name to other property developers around the world.

The failing New York Times, which is incredibly dishonest, just unbelievably biased, points out that in May (hey, conveniently just before the claimed stock sale), Trump's federal financial disclosure forms

show that as of that month, Mr. Trump’s portfolio was worth at least $22 million, and included a number of the country’s best-known companies, among them Apple, Walmart and MasterCard. Mr. Trump’s largest single holding was a stake in a multistrategy fixed-income hedge fund managed by BlackRock that had a value of at least $25 million.

There's no way to independently verify the stock sale now, but the Times notes, "at some point during his first term he will have to release a financial disclosure form that will include information about his stock holdings." So unlike any of the stuff that we'd only learn from his tax forms (which will never ever be released), there's at least the prospect of a future fact check on that supposed stock sale, by which time, of course, the ongoing U.S. wars with China, Mexico, Burkina Faso, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick will take up so much of the news cycle that no one will notice. Should reporters request more detailed information, they will be reminded that Hillary Clinton had a private email server.

It appears the announcement about the alleged stock sale may have been prompted in part by Trump's grousing Monday about the cost of replacing Air Force One, which caused Boeing stock to plunge, although the stock price recovered and financial markets remembered it was only Donald Goddamned Trump talking anyway. Both the May FEC filing and a 2013 tweet indicated that Trump had owned stock in Boeing, although today's announcement is supposed to reassure us he no longer has a financial interest in the aircraft manufacturer and we believe Trump so very much, oh yes we do.

Even if Trump did divest himself of his investment portfolio, as he said, he was not a major player in the stock market (which is the sort of investment you might think a real billionaire probably would be, but maybe Trump keeps the portion of his "$10 billion" in wealth that isn't real estate in mattresses full of cash, as well as highly collectible Beanie Babies, "Pogs," and rare comic books). But that real estate and the other ventures of the Trump Organization, as well as Trump's debts to foreign banks, still make up the greatest potential for conflict of interest, as everyone except Donald Trump and the Republican leadership in Congress seems to be aware.

Trump said last week that he would totally take steps to completely shield himself from conflicts of interest, which he will announce December 15, and which we believe will be every bit as convincing as any other statement Donald Trump has ever made about his business. Our guess is that he will require his children, who'll be running the Trump business, to wear blindfolds whenever they visit him at the White House, satisfying the requirement of making them a blind trust. They will also promise to never discuss any foreign investments using language more specific than "the you-know-what project over in you-know-where." In addition, Trump may adopt a series of code-words where "pizza" means "hotel," "cheese" means "licensing agreement," "Best buddy" refers to "Vladimir Putin," and "pedophile sex ring" stands for "taco bowl."

Asked by Fox Business's Stuart Varney if he would recommend other investors to stay in the stock market or get out, Trump once again offered advice that should in no way have any effect whatsoever, notes the New York Times:

When Mr. Varney, the Fox journalist, asked Mr. Trump if he would advise Americans to invest their 401(k) plans in stocks, Mr. Trump said he would not.

“I don’t like a lot of the signs that I’m seeing,” he said. “I don’t like what I am seeing at all.”

The stock market has been on the rise since Mr. Trump’s interview with Mr. Varney.

One almost gets the impression they're enjoying themselves an awful lot these days at the Times.

[NYT / Sopan Deb on Twitter / ThinkProgress / ABC News]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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