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Donald Trump So Jealous Of President Bannon's Fame, Fortune, Sexxxy Dadbod, Normal-Sized Hands

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Didn't we use this picture the other day? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?


There was BREAKING NEWS earlier that Donald Trump had kicked Steve Bannon off his perch at the National Security Council and restored it to something that looked like order. And everybody was like "but why now huh?" Bannon was like, "because I de-operationalized it, with my whiskey dick, and now I am all finished." But now the truth comes out, via reporting from John Roberts of Fox News, and it is LOL sad. Trump is so jealous of Bannon, because Bannon is a limelight-stealer who is way more popular and more famous and way better at twirling batons and probably is going to senior prom with Derek, who is IN COLLEGE and therefore a GROWN-UP, unlike Trump, who has to go to prom with a group of unfuckable JUNIORS. Or something like that.

The exact quote and video:

We are also told, though, that maybe the president wasn't particularly happy at the way Bannon had been grabbing the limelight ...

OK, guys, listen. Steve Bannon is a man who likes to lurk in the shadows, pretending he is an evil genius. And yet he is stealing the limelight from Donald Trump, because there's just not much depth to Trump! Once you understand that Trump likes to grab them by the pussy, that he has the thinnest skin and the stupidest brain, and that there is a syphilitic wombat from hell living on top of his head, YOU PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.

On the other hand, we all know Bannon is fascinating to people, because he's creepy and looks like cirrhosis, yet he has this very long strange history of anti-social behavior and a true desire to destroy America (WITH HIS SUPERIOR ARYAN INTELLECT!). Also, many have long suspected that Bannon's the one pulling Trump's strings, because you know why? Donald. Trump. Is. Too. Stupid. To. Be. President. That is why.

And that last thing ... that is key. Trump is not all "J" because Bannon is getting all the pussy in the White House, though if he is, WHITE HOUSE LADIES, PLZ RETHINK YOUR LIFE CHOICES. It's because, in the public perception, we all kinda know President Bannon is the one who wears the pants in this relationship.

So say it with us: "PRESIDENT BANNON." Because we at Wonkette say it ALL THE FREAKING TIME. And it's working, y'all. Today, Trump got one of his normal-size-handed staff members to escort Bannon off the NSC. Maybe next we can get Trump to kick him out of the White House, all because Trump is thin-skinned and jealous and the wombat on his head told him to in a dream.

One more time: PRESIDENT BANNON. Tell your friends, tell your mama, and also you may tell each other in the comments in this, your open thread.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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