Donald Trump Very Busy Man, Does Not Have Time For Silly Press Conferences!

Knowledge time!

Remember a couple of weeks back, we told you Donald J. Trump had made a yooge Twitter announcement to say he would be holding a yooge press conference on December 15 (Thursday) where he would describe his yooge plans for fully separating himself from his business? Yeah, about that. As Bloomberg reports, Dear Leader tweetered a bunch of things Monday night about how he's far too busy to do that press conference, but will be "separating himself" by letting his sons Uday and Qusay Trump run the businesses (not Ivanka, who is reportedly moving to DC and trying to "separate" herself as well so she can devote all her time to being the greatest first lady ever to be the president's daughter). He also promises he, who will be separated from his company, will make "no new deals," because how could a man who has nothing to do with a company make deals for that company? UNPOSSIBLE.

Here are the things Trump is NOT too busy to do on a typical Tuesday like today, while he's absolutely far too busy to even think about doing press conferences about all the myriad conflicts of interest he will bring to the Oval Office:

  • 8:00 AM: Not going to intelligence briefings, because too S-M-R-T for that! Will watch "Fox & Friends" instead!
  • 9:00 AM: Definitely not having press conferences about how he's not really going to divest himself from shit, especially not before December 19 when the members of the Electoral College meet. Better to keep them on their toes!
  • 10:00 AM: Making America Great Again by choosing known Russia-loving oil baron to be secretary of State!
  • 11:00 AM: Having really cool meetings with popular celebrities like Kanye West, who are brilliant enough to support Donald Trump for president, even though Mr. Kardashian did not actually vote for Trump! We bet it was a great meeting about how maybe Kanye and Ted Nugent can do a duet of "Proud To Be An American" at the inauguration, and otherwise they discussed how they are both much classier than Jay-Z and Kendrick Lamar, who are very overrated and should be ashamed!


  • 11:30 AM: Riding up the gold-plated elevator at Trump Tower after the Kanye meeting and repeatedly asking Kellyanne Conway if she saw his black friend just now.
  • 12:00 PM: Maybe getting blackmailed by the president of Turkey, or sucking ass with the genocidal Filipino president. Could be fun!
  • 1:00 PM: Pissing off China some more? Should make another phone call to Taiwan president lady, who was very nice to Trump, and invite her to Mar-a-Lago for Trump-branded meat dishes!
  • 2:00 PM: Playing M.A.S.H. with the names "Donald Trump" and "Vladimir Putin" on a blank page in Trump's Trapper Keeper, to find out if they're meant to be together forever. Better let Melania know about this if so!
  • 3:00 PM: Also, just calling Putin on the phone to see how is he doing today, what did he eat for breakfast, and does Trump have Putin's FOR REAL ASSURANCE that the liars at the CIA don't have any solid evidence of the little "favor" Russia MAY OR MAY NOT have done for him? Wink wink! Trump makes the best deals, with Russia!
  • 4:00 PM: Taco Bowl Tuesday! Should invite son-in-law Jared and piece-of-ass daughter Ivanka over for luxurious supper!
  • 5:00 PM: Oh boy, it is very tiring to be President-elect Donald Trump right now! Best to catch a nappy, lest he miss his 3:00 AM alarm, the one that tells him when to get up and start foreign conflicts and tank company stocks and call Megyn Kelly a bitch on Twitter. ZZZZZZ, DONALD TRUMP NIGHT NIGHT NOW!

We are just fooling, this is not Trump's real schedule for Tuesday, unless it's 100% accurate, in which case MUST CREDIT WONKET, the end.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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