If you could cite one tiny video clip to show just how flailing and pathetic the Donald Trump campaign is these days, it would have to be Trump surrogate Michael Cohen (yes, the same Michael Cohen who said that by definition you can't rape your wife) on CNN attempting to answer a simple question: Which polls show Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton for president? The exchange happened with a complete gotcha journalist named Brianna Keilar, and for context, you should understand that Cohen is VERY angry at the obvious assertion the media is making, that Trump's pathetic new hires are a Hail Mary moment for the Trump campaign, because the campaign is a smoldering shitshow:

KEILAR: You say it's not a shake-up, but you guys are down, and ...

COHEN: Says who? Says who?

KEILAR: Polls. Most of them. All of them?

COHEN: [long, dead-eyed silence] ... Says who?

KEILAR: Polls. I just told you, I answered your question.

COHEN: OK. Which polls?

KEILAR: All of them!

ALL OF THEM KATIE, ALL OF THEM KATIE, ALL OF THEM KATIE! Except this time, it was the mean Katie Couric-esque she-beast having to 'splain to the campaign that ALL OF THE POLLS, KATIE, say that Trump is a big loser who loses in a very loserly fashion.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605566/fox-friends-idiots-discover-wonderful-new-app-that-says-donald-trump-already-president"></a>[/wonkbar]Of course, it's possible that Michael Cohen genuinely believes there are polls out there that show his man Trump taking the gold medal in presidenting. Maybe he saw that "Fox & Friends" report on the Zip app, the one where Trump has 95% support, because most of the users of the Zip app are a self-selected group of morons, and that just tells him the regular polls are SKEWED, MAN, SKEWED.

Or maybe he knows the polls are all wrong because he has some black friends? He said as much to Yahoo News:

“When they say that Donald Trump has a 1 percent favorability amongst the African-American community, I know from my own interactions that that number is absolutely and unequivocally inaccurate,” Cohen explained. “I speak on a weekly basis to more than 100 African-American Evangelical preachers who are all committed to ensuring Donald Trump becomes the next president of the United States.”

And they ALL hate Hillary, so QED! Let's do some back-of-the-napkin math here. If Cohen knows 100 black pastors, and Trump has only one percent favorability among black folks, divide by three, carry the two ... SHUT UP, YOU GUYS, DONALD TRUMP IS WINNING.

Once the CNN interview was over, Cohen was pretty sure he'd handled that dumb lady REAL good:

In a conversation with Yahoo News shortly after the conversation aired, Michael Cohen, an executive vice president and attorney at the Trump Organization, said he believed he “controlled the interview” with Brianna Keilar.

“I think I unraveled her,” Cohen boasted. […]

“I was shocked at the length of the silence as she stumbled to think of an answer,” Cohen said. “And when she did come up with an answer, it was so generic it could have applied to anything.”

Hahahahahaha OK, buddy. That’s right, Michael Cohen, you did a GOOD JOB and you were a VERY GOOD BOY, and now you get to go home to your winning campaign with all your winning friends and drink Capri Sun and eat a winning can of vienna sausages, because that is what smart winning guys do after they totally do YA BURNTS to the wicked witch ladies on CNN.

And what does Brianna Keilar have to say for herself?

“Can you just embed the video in your story? My reaction is that people can watch and decide for themselves,” Keilar said.

Translation: That guy is A Idiot, let’s put him on the internet and make him famous.

We bet Sarah Palin woke up feeling downright SMART today, compared to this numbnuts.

[Yahoo News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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