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Don't Be Alone When They Announce This Year's Pinkest-Ass America-Hating Movie

Wonkabout

Very important teevee alert: The Oscars are on this weekend. Hooray! It's Hollywood's yearly opportunity to decide which theme -- the gays, poor black illiterate children, torture, Jews kicking ass, or homeless kids saved by nice white ladies - needs their undivided attention and will provide an acceptance speech that will make conservatives squirm/feel unappreciated/take off their shirts and thump their chests. Please don't watch it alone.


We suggest you attend one of these Oscars parties:

  • Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse: The D.C. Film Society is hosting their annual "And the winner is..." watch party at the Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse. The event features local film critics, a silent auction for signed movie scripts, an in-house Oscar ballot contest, and a performance by "So You Think You Can Dance" winners. (Ignore that part!) Party starts at 6:30PM. Tickets are $20.
  • Maddy's Bar and Grill: Maddy's is celebrating the Oscars with happy hour specials and in-house Oscar ballot. The winner gets a $50 gift certificate to an undisclosed location.
  • National Museum of Women in the Arts: If you must, MUST go to an Academy-sanctioned viewing party (interestingly, they exist) don't worry, there's one in DC -- The Oscar Night America Party -- and it's at the National Museum of Women in the Arts. It's a black tie gala, tickets cost $100 and include an open bar. Oh, and right, there's of course a charity aspect this: A portion of the proceeds will go to the American Red Cross.
  • Goethe-Institut: At the Washington Film Institutes Oscar Party, hosted at the Goethe-Institut, there will be red carpet for your walking pleasure, a wine and beer open bar, and two big screen teevees. Cost is $25.
  • Nellie's Sports Bar Watching the Oscars with the Gays will no doubt be a fun and enlightening experience. There's no cover and there will be drink specials all night long.
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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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