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Don't Go Galt This Christmas! Give The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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Whether you're of the Judeo-Christian persuasion or one of those exotic religions, you're probably required to give gifts to people some time in the next month.  We here at Wonkette understand that this is patently unfair. Why should you have to sacrifice any portion of your earnings to, for example, the lazymarxist teachers in your life? If you can't avoid giving them gifts because they're something stupid like family, consider giving them the gift to end all gifts, the gift that ensures that that you'll never have to buy them gifts ever again, because they will be empowered straight out of the moocher class: Atlas Shrugged II, not quite yet on DVD.


Who wouldn't thrill, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever morning, to unwrap a brand new copy of this fine film? Too bad, looters! No one gets to have the thrill of holding this masterpiece in their hands until February 19, 2013. Instead, you will hand your friends and relatives this very fine piece of paper that lets them know the greatest story ever told will be forthcoming. What? Well, of COURSE you have to print the gift certificate yourself. This isn't a charity or Soviet Russia you collectivist slobs.

Brother-in-law not much of a movie watcher? Never fear. There are a wealth of other gifts you can give to teach the true meaning of Objectivism. Consider a stylish dollar-sign lapel pin that isn't douche-y AT ALL. No? How about a handsome cap honoring one of the fictional companies in the book/movie/marketing juggernaut? For the lady in your life, make sure to pick up the laughably expensive anodized aluminum bracelet. You are for SURE getting lucky after she opens that treasure.

If you just cannot wait until February to share the good news of Ayn Rand with your friends and loved ones, consider taking them to see ASII when it is still in the theater. It will no doubt be much more thrilling on the big screen. If you live in movie-going metropolises (metropoli??) like Prince George, Utah, or Las Cruces, New Mexico, you are in luck! The rest of you will just have to repurpose an Advent calendar and count down the days until February.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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