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'Double Down' Campaign Book: Mitt Romney Made Fun Of Chris Christie For Being Big Gross Fatty

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There's a new book out about the 2012 election that made Barack Obama dictator for life (again) and exiled Mitt Romney to the wolf-stalked beaches of Southern California. It's called "Double Down," probably after the KFC bacon and cheese and two hunks of fried chicken instead of bread sandwich, because like the sandwich it appeals to a small group of antisocial gluttons while nauseating everyone else. "Double Down" is by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, the guys who wrote "Game Change," a book that got made into a movie about Sarah Palin and how she is terrible. LOL DIDN'T READ is what we said to that, and we won't be reading this one either, because the liberal media has already done it for us. Here's a taste:


“I’m tired of you people!!!” the book quotes Christie as saying. “Leave me the [expletive] alone!!!!”

Christie said this to some Romney lackey after Christie was criticized for making his GOP convention speech all about himself. You want more? Yeah, yeah you do. You want it bad.

Here's Romney being a total dick about Christie's weight, which is not cool because that's our job:

“Romney marveled at Christie’s girth, his difficulties in making his way down the narrow aisle of the campaign bus,” the authors write. “Watching a video of Christie without his suit jacket on, Romney cackled to his aides, ‘Guys! Look at that!’”

Who, MITT? OUR MITT???? Then he tried to tackle Christie and cut off his hair, but Christie didn't even notice.

Let's see, what else? Apparently the rumors about Old Handsome Joe being replaced by A Woman were true, maybe:

The aides concluded that despite Mrs. Clinton’s popularity, the move would not offer a significant enough political boost to Mr. Obama to justify such a radical move

Duh! Did you see the Biden/Ryan debate? If so, how's your boner? Gone yet? Probably not! "Oh, now you're Jack Kennedy!" is a line we wish we had more opportunities to use.

Oh, here's more from the NYT's book report about Chris Christie's many flaws:

According to a memo on Mr. Christie from the vetting team, it had unanswered questions on a defamation lawsuit against the governor from earlier in his political career, on a Securities and Exchange Commission settlement involving Mr. Christie’s brother, on names and documentation of his household help, on information from his time as a securities industry lobbyist, and on his medical history. “The dossier on the Garden State governor’s background was littered with potential land mines,” the authors write.

"Potential" land mines rather than "actual land mines" because why in the hell would an aspiring presidential candidate disclose all his vulnerabilities to anyone, least of all Mitt Romney's campaign staff who might be Ted Cruz's campaign staff in 2016?

There's some more stuff about how Obama thought Big Dog Clinton was kind of hard to be around, what with the endless lecturing and big paws on unwilling legs, probably. And this, from another WaPo feature on this very important book:

Potential VP nicknames. Romney’s search for a running mate was dubbed “Project Goldfish.” And his search brought him to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (Pufferfish), former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty (Lakefish), Sen. Rob Portman of Ohio (Filet-O-Fish), Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida (Pescado) and Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin (Fishconsin).

Subtle.

[WaPo / NYT / YouTube / WaPo]

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