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Doughnut Identification Glitch Detected in Mitt Romney Software

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Your mostly lazy editor had vowed to challenge herself when typing nonsense posts about Mitt Romney, to not go for the perpetually obvious Mittens-qua-robot theme as a matter of trying to avoid worn-out tropes, but... we give up here. This man cannot identify a doughnut. He looks at a plate of them for several seconds, but no... no, it doesn't quite come to him. He'll just point at the items and laugh! Whew, good save. He then promises to perform "testing" upon one of them, to later ascertain the relevant data points and incorporate them into his memory bank. Oop, can't put it in his mouth, though! Might goo up the circuits.

And then he goes and says stuff like this about his opponent in the same visit:

"Is he [Barack Obama] really that out of touch? I think he is defining what it means to be detached and out of touch with the American people," Romney said in Council Bluffs, Iowa after a roundtable discussion with farmers.

Oh, that's a good one. Mitt Romney will now go off to learn how these doughnut things work, most likely by dressing up as one. [Buzzfeed/CNN]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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