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Dow Drops 733, S&P Down 9%, Worse Since '87 Crash

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In good news, oil is back to September 2007 prices. (In bad news, gas was still $3 a gallon then, so, uhh ...) WHAT DOES IT MEAN. It means the numbers are finally coming in to back up the gloom. Nobody in the stores, no demand for gasoline as people have no jobs, no money, and use their car as a "rusty tent." So, we're back to Black Friday territory, from last week. DON'T EVER LOOK AT YOUR 401(k) AGAIN.


There was only a single winner on the Dow today: Coca Cola. So, corn-syrup diabetes-causing bubbly drinks are a good bet, right? Not if they're made by Pepsi. Who knows. (FINANCIAL TIP: Water is actually good, and basically free, from the tap.)

JPMorgan profits dropped a bit, if by "a bit" you mean EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT OH JESUS CHRIST WHA?

And the new technology economy that John McCain heard about a few years back, that eBay, where poor people sell off their belongings to strangers, and he thinks this is a good substitute for having a job? Well, eBay's in the tank. The toilet tank.

Also, child-abducting clowns are loose in Chicago, everywhere in Chicago, trying to lure little kids into their vans and pickup trucks, to kill them.

"I think this is the longest and most painful recession in the post-War period." Who said that, on Bloomberg right now? Someone old and terrified. Ah hell.

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