Dr. Ben Carson Says Republicans' Brains Are Broken
No, YOU'RE the one with the broken brain.
Did God drop Ben Carson on his head at some point? Maybe sometime after He provided the answers for Carson's chemistry final? Honest question. Because for a man who's dropping in the polls, perhaps because he's so dumb on foreign policy even Republicans (!!!) are embarrassed, he sure doesn't seem to be able to keep idiot droppings from falling out of his mouth:
“Republicans have this mental disorder sometimes that says, ‘A person doesn’t agree with me 100%, I’m not with them, I’m going to go and sit down,’” Mr. Carson told a crowd of about 100 people at an Italian restaurant on the Las Vegas Strip.
Great campaign slogan right there. He couldn't have said "Republicans have a problem," or "Republicans have an OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH." No, Ben Carson The Brain Surgeon just went right ahead and looked at his fellow Republicans and said, "Your brains are bad and you should feel bad."
[contextly_sidebar id="7YiV891AvVbICq9DDyC06IQ9oP4Hglyp"]And before we get ANY further into what Ben Carson had to say about anything else, SERIOUSLY? The man who can't even remember his own life story because he lost a game of telephone to himself feels he's in a position to open up the flip-top heads of the entire Republican electorate and say THEY'RE the ones with the brain problem? They do have a brain problem, of course, but we do not think Ben Carson is the dude most qualified to be scribbling that information on the Republican patients' charts, if you know what we mean.
Oh but don't worry, dear sweet, mentally disturbed Republicans (Carson said it, not us), you don't have to feel sad about how the broken brain of Ben Carson said your brains are broken also too, because it is the Democrats' fault:
He then suggested, to some light laughter from the audience, that Republicans’ desire for a candidate who checks all their boxes is a Democratic plot to divide the party.
“You know, I believe that was a disease that was implanted by the Democrats,” he said. “That’s what they want you to do. As long as you feel that way they’ve got it, they’ve got it in the bag.”
Yes, we remember that time the Democrats held the Republicans hostage and forced them to vote for entirely unelectable kibble-farting morons.
[contextly_sidebar id="lyrY4cKxeuvtGnkDy1wY3ly9hMTyny8R"]Wonkette must give credit to Wall Street Journal writer Reid J. Epstein, who followed that quote immediately with the words, "Mr. Carson knows a little bit about mental disorders," and then proceeded to say, not that Carson is the President Of Brains, but that, according to Carson's (questionable) accounts of his own life, he is CRAY CRAY:
He wrote in his first memoir “Gifted Hands” that he had a “pathological temper” as a child. “The sickness controlled me,” he wrote.
Hahahaha, TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, the august Wall Street Journal seems to be saying, and in such a gentlemanly way!
Any more brain surgeon knowledge to give us, Dr. Carson? Perhaps maybe you'd like to tell us how you'd be such a poor president you wouldn't be re-elected?
“You know, if I’m successful in this endeavor to become president of the United States, it’s very likely that I would be a one-term president,” Mr. Carson said. “Because there are some tough things we have to attack. We cannot continue down this path.”
[contextly_sidebar id="Z9gBtsHSHpGSV1yAwZiP2xEuATBaMdKq"]No two-term presidents have had to attack tough things, we guess. Ben Carson, on the other hand, is going to have to do brain surgery on America (which will only hurt a little bit, just like getting bombs dropped on you), and by the time he's done, all U.S. Americans will be so disappointed in his performance they'll leave him rotten tomatoes reviews on WebMD and decide to "get a second opinion."
Come to think of it, nothing he said is incorrect. Republicans are deranged morons, and Ben Carson would be a shitty one-term president. Maybe his brain isn't broken after all, just kidding yes it is.