Dr. Fauci Says Covid Maybe Under Control By Spring If Everybody Does Their Part, Haha That's Precious

Dr. Fauci Says Covid Maybe Under Control By Spring If Everybody Does Their Part, Haha That's Precious

Poor Anthony Fauci. He's been yelling at the brick wall of ignorance that is the American people for a year and a half now, and bless his heart, he hasn't given up.

Fauci told Anderson Cooper last night that if ... IF! ... the "overwhelming majority" of Americans would just get their goddamned shots, we could ... COULD! ... have this damn pandemic under control by the spring.

"We hope we'll be there," said Fauci, "but there's no guarantee because it's up to us." And we all know how well "up to us" has gone with Americans and this pandemic, or Americans and literally every other thing Americans have tried to accomplish the last four decades.

On the other hand, Fauci said, "If we keep lingering without getting those people vaccinated that should be vaccinated, this thing could linger on and lead to the development of another variant." So we'll just pencil that in as more likely.

CNN reports that at this moment, 51.5 percent of Americans are fully vaccinated, which is far lower than how many need to be vaccinated to let us really get back to normal. But Fauci sounds like he hopes maybe with the FDA giving full approval for the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine for ages 16 and up, then maybe a bunch more people will go get their damn shots.

Unfortunately, other experts CNN talked to are less optimistic that Americans will change their behavior now. We'd simply note that rednecks have not yet tried every cow remedy at the feed store yet, so mark us down with the experts who are skeptical.

Peter Hotez from Baylor, he's on TV a lot, and he's usually good for throwing cold water on our hopes:

"I do think there will be a modest increase, but, look, we have a long way to go to fill this gap," vaccinologist and dean of the National School of Tropical Medicine at Baylor College of Medicine Dr. Peter Hotez said. "I think having the full approval will certainly convince some, but it's just one of a dozen fake talking points put out there by the disinformation campaign. And, I think a number of people are just going to revert to one of the other ones."

Exactly. The idiots will just switch to whatever conspiracy theory du jour is popular right then. We're sure they'll have 50 new ones by lunchtime today, and if they're having a hard time, Tucker Carlson can help 'em come up with some more.

Hotez says what might actually help with the Pfizer vaccine getting full approval is that it's likely to to act as a signal for companies and other entities to go ahead with full vaccine mandates, which we're already seeing after yesterday's announcement. It wasn't long yesterday before the Pentagon had instituted one, as did CVS, Chevron, colleges and universities, school systems, and more.

So that actually does sound hopeful to us, as opposed to some kind of Pollyanna bullshit about "maybe Americans will do the right thing!" haha Dr. Fauci, we love you so much, bless your heart. But maybe we can force the conspiracy theorists and the other morons to decide whether they want to be allowed to share space with the rest of us. If they'd like to, the shots are free, and they are available at literally everywhere.

Alternately, they can create their own vaccine-free towns where they eat horse dewormer all day, and the rest of us will not go to those towns.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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