Dreamy Justin Trudeau Will Take All The Illegal American Refugees, From America

Save us, Justin Trudeau!

It is sad that we're at a place where this is good news, but here we are. Canadian Sexxx Dream Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that he will continue to let refugees who cross the border from America illegally apply for asylum in Canada, because America's just not safe, for refugees. Land of the free! Home of the brave! O Canada!

Canada will continue to accept asylum seekers crossing illegally from the United States but will ensure security measures are taken to keep Canadians safe, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said on Tuesday.

The number of would-be refugees crossing into Canada at isolated and unguarded border crossings has increased in recent weeks amid fears that U.S. President Donald Trump will crack down on illegal immigrants, and photos of smiling Canadian police greeting the migrants have gone viral.

As Dok asked in a beautiful piece the other day, how did the US of America become a place people run away from? HOW? Oh yeah, we "elected" Donald Trump by minus three million votes. That is how.

This sentence, from Reuters, will kill you dead:

Opposition Conservatives want Trudeau's center-left Liberal government to stem the flow of asylum seekers from the United States because of security fears and a lack of resources to deal with them.

Canada wingnuts are all like, "Yeaaaaah, we heard America is not sending its best, they're sending rapists and drug dealers, some of whom we're sure are very nice people, but how can we really know if they've been vetted? They are coming from America, after all."

The problem this runs into, and the reason refugees from other countries are crossing illegally (in cold so bitter some have lost their hands) from the U.S. into Canada, is that there is a long-standing policy between America and Canada called the Safe Third Country Agreement, which assumes that America is already safe for refugees, therefore there's no need to go to a THIRD country like Canada, when America is a nice place that will give them asylum, right? (Hahaha you are silly!) Anyway, this means those who try to cross legally are told to go back where they came from. Reuters notes that Amnesty International wants the Safe Third Country Agreement to be wadded up and thrown away, because America isn't actually safe for refugees, not anymore. Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, terre de nos aïeux ...

(GET IT? THOSE FRENCH FOREIGNER WORDS ARE PART OF THE CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM! The first time we made that joke was when Justin Trudeau visited America and he and Barack Obama broke the whole internet, with their sexxxiness. Those days are fucking over.)

The issue has becoming pressing for Canada, because Reuters points out that in January of last year, 137 people tried to claim refugee status at the border between Quebec and America. This year in January, it was 452. Everything is sad and terrible.

So basically, if you have already fled a war-torn place like Syria or you're an undocumented immigrant, and now you are scared of being in America, you can run into Justin Trudeau's warm, sexy embrace, but only if you do it the illegal way, because of this dumb agreement that assumes incorrectly that America is nice and welcoming, a shining city on a hill, yadda yadda.

We're grateful that Justin Trudeau is still up there in Canada being sane and caring toward refugees. Meanwhile, on this side of the border, can somebody check and see if the Statue of Liberty has flung herself into the Atlantic Ocean yet?


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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