How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

BREAKING ANIMAL SCHLONGING NEWS! We don't know if Erick Erickson nee RedState has traveled to Oklahoma recently, but a dude was caught doing sex to a goat in Oklahoma City on Christmas Eve, so it would be irresponsible not to wildly speculate that maybe Erickson sneaked out of his family's house while not a creature was stirring and the children were dreaming about sugarplums, drove his car to Oklahoma City, and went balls deep in a goat's ass.

On the side of "Erick Erickson Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Goat (Yet)" is that the man arrested for the goat sex-criming was named "Darryl Gene Scoggin," but you don't know if that's Erickson's secret goatfucking name, because maybe it is. Maybe he has a special Pinterest board of "Goats I'd Like To Bang With My Gross Sex Wang," but he has to keep it under the fake "Darryl" name so none of his traditional conservative Christian friends find out (and ask for a sex turn with his love goat).

Fox 25 in Oklahoma City says a witness described the suspect as "obviously having sexual intercourse with the goat," which leads Wonkette to believe it PROBABLY was Erick Erickson.

However, Fox 25 says this is a picture of the suspect:

[contextly_sidebar id="mpgshNY5lIPSyTB1IgBYjoPVioXY4JBu"]Now, usually we'd suggest that that's not a picture of Erick Erickson, but you don't know. We imagine men of Erick's stature who like to fuck goats probably go to great lengths to keep such things on the DL.

According to science, the picture at the top of this post is the actual Erick Erickson singing Michael Bolton songs to his favorite sex goat, and he looks kinda different from this "Darryl" feller. Science says Erick also looks like this:

He probably means stop sexing his goat, it's making him a jealous lover.

Hmmmm. So maybe it was a tag team sorta thing where Erick and Darryl go goat-diddling together in Oklahoma, and they take turns when FINALLY a girl goat doesn't turn them down. Maybe Erick managed to waddle back to Georgia when they got caught and left poor Darryl stuck up inside their new joint girlfriend the goat.

Or maybe Erick Erickson wasn't even there, and this was a completely unrelated goat boning.

But he was probably there, don't you think? Pretty fucking rude to leave Darryl holding "the evidence," Erick. Is that what Christmas Baby Jesus would have wanted you to do? No, it is not, you fucking asshole.

[Fox 25 Oklahoma City via RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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