Dumb Fake Golfer Story Is Why Lunatic Trump Thinks All The Voters Are Illegal

Maybe Trump heard the story from a little birdie. (We know he doesn't get along with eagles.)

So now we know at least part of the reason Donald Trump is sure there are millions of illegal voters who kept him from winning the popular vote in the election he won: When he told members of Congress all about the millions of illegal voters, he illustrated it with a moving anecdote about pro golfer Bernhard Langer, a personal friend of his (whose daughter says he barely knows Trump), who was prevented from voting but saw two people who didn't look like real citizens get ballots. Except Bernhard Langer is a German citizen and never would have tried to vote here anyway. All clear now? Fine, we shall untangle a bit. But It's Mad Lord Trump we're talking about, so don't expect everything to add up.

According to three people who attended the reception and spoke to the New York Times, Trump told this version of the story, which was later contradicted by a White House official who cleared things up some: Trump's good personal friend Bernhard Langer, who's won the Masters twice, bigly, was standing in line to vote at his local polling place in Florida when the following incredible experience occurred: Langer was told by a poll official he wouldn't be allowed to vote. BUT THERE'S MORE:

Ahead of and behind Mr. Langer were voters who did not look as if they should be allowed to vote, Mr. Trump said, according to the staff members — but they were nonetheless permitted to cast provisional ballots. The president threw out the names of Latin American countries that the voters might have come from.

Mr. Langer, whom he described as a supporter, left feeling frustrated, according to a version of events later contradicted by a White House official.

Disgusting and horrible, huh? These clear illegals were allowed to vote -- or at least given provisional ballots, which means maybe they weren't -- but a loyal Trump supporter wasn't!

Oh, except the whole story is bunk, and even the Times's reconstruction of the one anecdote turns up multiple versions. Yes, Bernhard Langer lives in Boca Raton, but he's a German citizen with permanent U.S. residence, and presumably not dumb enough to try to go and vote. His daughter, Christina, didn't have a lot to say about the story:

“He is a citizen of Germany,” she said, when reached on her father’s cellphone. “He is not a friend of President Trump’s, and I don’t know why he would talk about him.”

She said her father was “very busy” and would not be able to answer any questions.

Fine, but Trump's seen him golfing, maybe, so he's a close friend and a supporter, probably. How could anyone not be?

Ah, but according to a "senior White House staff member, who was not at the Monday reception but has heard Mr. Trump tell the story," the story really goes like this: Langer saw Trump in Florida over Thanksgiving week, and the events happened to a friend of Langer's who'd been kept from voting. So you have one version from the Trump staffer who wasn't there, and another told by staffers who were. Either way, the story bombed with the Congressional leaders, but it really made a big impression on Donald Trump, who sets national policy based on anecdotes.

In unrelated news, Yr Wonkette has learned Mr Trump has directed the Consumer Product Safety Commission to look into the epidemic of cases of little old ladies trying to dry off their poodles in the microwave. The FBI is also reportedly re-opening its manhunt for the notorious serial killer of young couples making out in cars in secluded areas, a one-handed murderer known only as "The Claw."


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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