Each GOP Candidate To Lose Home State, Since They Hate Him There Most


Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual hasalready had to put up with that monster? Meaning: Mitt and the Boys may now be campaigning nationally but they are most not-liked locally, where the populace has suffered the longest direct contact with them. We explore this phenomenon in detail, after the jump!

It is unsurprising that the long-loathed Newt Gingrich -- pardon, Professor Gingrich -- was the first to put forward the groundbreaking theory that there exists an incontrovertible dose-response relationship between "Time Since Diagnosed with Candidate (in seconds)" and "Level of Voter Hostility (in kilograms)." Based on his life experience alone, Newt could probably be considered the country's foremost expert in Despicability Studies. But for a broader perspective, let's turn now to the Washington Post:

It’s possible that all four remaining GOP candidates could lose a state that they call home....


And even if only one or two actually do, it would be a pretty rare feat.

Mitt Romney trails in next Tuesday’s primary in Michigan, the state where he was born and reared and his father served as governor, while polls indicate Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul could have trouble in the states they represented in Congress — Pennsylvania, Georgia and Texas, respectively.

Gingrich and Santorum are already guaranteed not to win the state in which they currently reside — Virginia — because they didn’t make the ballot there.

Mitt, though, is a gazillionaire with homes in 50 to 70 percent of American states and protectorates so his situation is a little unique, in that he can pick and choose, for blustering purposes, which general region he's currently calling the "home" one:

Romney, it should be noted, is likely to win the state where he served as governor, Massachusetts, in its March 6 primary. And he won the first-in-the-nation primary in neighboring New Hampshire, where he owns a vacation home (He has repeatedly called Michigan his home state, though).

If you or a loved one are inadvertently exposed to a Republican presidential candidate, please contact your State's Department of Public Health. They are aware of the situation and, we are told, will only have to "put down" victims who appear to be contagious. GOOD LUCK OUT THERE! [WaPo]


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