Earth To Be Awesome Soon As Bush Is Gone
George W. Bush is on vacation in the West Bank today, telling everybody about how great things will be in 2009, after he's mercifully out of office. According to our sad, ignored president, the Middle East will finally see peace, love and understanding next year. Why? Because everything will magically get better after Bush is gone. Here are some other predictions from our optimistic pal:
* Next year, the whole subprime mortgage collapse will find peace, too. Your house will be worth $799,000 again, even though you couldn't sell it for a buck-fifty and a handjob today.
* The election of a half-Kenyan will dramatically improve the fortunes of all half-Kenyan Americans with Harvard law degrees.
* Flying cars, finally!
* Government-provided Sex Robots that look like your favorite entertainer, if your favorite entertainer is Dennis Hastert.