How Batsh*t Is Trump's Covid Stimulus Signing Statement, On A Scale Of One To VOTER FRAUDSSSS!11!1!1?

Arty McDeals strikes again!

Hooray! Trump has finally signed the covid stimulus bill to avoid a government shutdown. And all it took was his advisers telling him he had a fictional line-item veto power, the same one the Supreme Court struck down as unconstitutional in 1997. Because we've reached the broken joystick era of the Trump presidency, where everyone assures him with tears in their eyes that sir, you're at the height of your powers, Mister President, sir, while silently praying he'll stay on the golf course and refrain from blowing anything else up.

The president begins his hilariously self-congratulatory signing statement with a reference to "my responsibility to protect the people of our country from the economic devastation and hardship that was caused by the China Virus" before going on to blame "Democrat-run states" for destroying small businesses with "harsh actions."

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Class War

Stimulus Bill All Happening, Mitch McConnell Must Be REALLY Scared About Georgia

Okay, it's little. But that sumbitch didn't want ANY.

Congress finally passed its $900 billion coronavirus stimulus package late last night, as part of a great big $2 trillion spending bill that will keep the government running until Sept. 30, 2021. So hooray, no government shutdown threats until whatever crisis has Ted Cruz pissed off next fall. (He'll probably want to repeal Obamacare again.)

As we've already discussed, the bill, with its $600 checks for most Americans and $300 a week in emergency unemployment pay (over state unemployment) is better than no stimmy at all. It will extend the deadlines on a number of expiring relief programs, too, like extending the federal moratorium on evictions until Jan. 31 (not long enough), with a new infusion of $25 billion in rental assistance. Here's a rundown of what's in it.

President-elect Joe Biden supported the bill because relief was definitely needed, but he's been clear all along that he considers it a "down payment" on his more extensive goals for revitalizing the economy and controlling the pandemic — at this point, those are pretty much wrapped up in each other. So what does Biden plan to tackle once he's sworn in? That kind of depends on whether Georgia voters send Jon Ossoff and Rev. Raphael Warnock to the Senate in the Jan. 5 runoff election. Yep, just two weeks to go now. If Democrats take the Senate, then it will be a lot easier for any new stimulus to get a vote, although a big stimulus package would still need 10 Republicans to sign on. (We'll save the "eliminate the filibuster" discussion until after we know the outcome of the Georgia runoffs.)

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Class War

Congress Finally Settles On 'Stimulus' Deal That Won't Cover Most People's Rent

And they made a lot of money while doing so!

It's finally here. The deal it took Congress over five months to come up with — a deal meant to help Americans survive the winter in the middle of a pandemic that has killed 324,869 people and counting. Right now, just to be clear, COVID-19 is infecting and killing more people than it was back in April when Congress last offered Americans some relief. More places have to be shut down because the virus is spread more evenly throughout the country. More Americans are suffering, and because the eviction moratorium is over, many of those Americans may be evicted from their homes very soon, because they cannot afford rent. We are currently headed toward an eviction tsunami.

The median monthly rent in the United States right now, for a one bedroom apartment, is $1,487. Members of Congress make about $14,500 a month. In the last five months, we paid $38,787,500 for the 535 members of Congress to do their jobs. These are just some numbers to keep in mind when you read what we actually ended up getting in this "stimulus bill."

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Nice Time

Look, Shiny WONDERFUL Thing! Rep. Deb Haaland Is Biden Pick For Interior Secretary!

First Native American Cabinet secretary? Why yes, please!

You want a story that should end your Thursday with a big old grin, as long as nothing too terribly 2020 happens the rest of the day? Well go read the Washington Post's very happy story about Rep. Deb Haaland (D-New Mexico), Joe Biden's nominee to be secretary of the Interior. We were pretty darn excited when, as part of the 2018 blue wave, Haaland and Sharice Davids of Kansas became the first two Native American women elected to Congress. If confirmed, Haaland would make some more history, as the Post 'splains:

A member of Pueblo of Laguna, Haaland, 60, would become the first descendant of the original people to populate North America to serve as a Cabinet secretary. It marks a turning point for a 171-year-old institution that has often had a fraught relationship with 574 federally recognized tribes.

We will now pause zero seconds for Tucker Carlson to be outraged that anyone would see that as historic.

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