Nice Time

Judge Tells Anti-Trans School Board To Do Anatomically Impossible Things To Itself

Congratulations, Gavin Grimm!

Gavin Grimm has, once again, won his case!

The now-20-year-old man first filed his case against the Gloucester County School Board when, as a teen, he was denied access to the boys bathroom at Gloucester County High School in Virginia.

The reason? Gavin Grimm is transgender. And it has become important to Republicans and bigots everywhere that trans and nonbinary people don't feel comfortable using public toilets.

On Wednesday, a three-judge panel of the Fourth Circuit ruled in Grimm's favor, finding the school had violated Title IX of of the Education Amendments of 1972 when it banned him from using the boys room.

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Utah Wingnuts Called For High School 'No Mask Monday' Protest. Hero Teens Said 'No Thanks, Jerks!'

Listen to the cheerleader, save the world.

Masks on and hats off to the plucky teens of Enterprise High School (Home of the Wolves) in Enterprise, Utah, population 1,862. Last week, a bunch of messages on Facebook called for parents to send their kids to school in defiance of a statewide mask mandate, to teach those socialist tyrants in Salt Lake City the meaning of Liberty. Instead, KSL-TV reports, students at the high school responded by networking with each other to make sure they all wore masks to school yesterday.

Now if we could just get some of these kids on the White House Coronavirus Task Force.

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Culture Wars

Little Marco Rubio Ain’t Got S**t On Eva Longoria

Sit the fuck down, Senator.

Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives star and recipient of my spec script, was the emcee for the first night of the Democratic National Convention. Republicans thought this was hilarious, especially Senator Marco Rubio of Florida.

It's typical but annoying that Republicans enjoy denigrating an entire profession. Actors are also rarely "the elite." They are often just a single big role removed from eating ramen and living in a run-down studio with four other actors. Eva Longoria grew up working class.

Longoria didn't show up Monday dripping in bling and ready for her Norma Desmond closeup. She specifically said: "I am here tonight as a ninth-generation Texan, as a daughter of a veteran and a teacher, as a mother, as a voter, and as a patriot."

But for assholes like Rubio, she's just the actor from this scene.

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Coronavirus Shortens UNC Chapel Hill School Year By 51 Weeks Or So

They had a very good school year last week.

The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill made it a whole week between the start of on-campus classes on August 10 and the announcement yesterday that it would switch to online-only instruction following — you guessed it! — an outbreak of coronavirus. Chancellor Kevin Guskiewicz and Provost Bob Blouin said 177 students have tested positive for COVID-19 and are in isolation, and 349 more are being quarantined because they were exposed to people known to have tested positive. The administrators also said, "So far, we have been fortunate that most students who have tested positive have demonstrated mild symptoms."

The Raleigh News & Observer reports "UNC data showed 13.6% of the 954 students tested last week were positive — nearly twice the percentage testing positive on average in the previous three weeks." There were four major clusters — an outbreak of 5 or more cases in a single location — identified: two in dorms, one in a university-owned apartment complex, and one at a fraternity. That made for a very accurate headline in yesterday's print edition of the student newspaper, the Daily Tar Heel:

The online edition had a more polite headline, but included the subhed "clusterfuck (n): a complex and utterly disordered and mismanaged situation."

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