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Trump

Trump Supporters Waste $46 Million On Genuine, Pre-Owned Impeached President

Did they at least get some magic beans?

Donald Trump has impeachment FEVER, and the only cure is free money from fools. The freshly impeached president's re-election campaign announced today that it raised $46 million in the last quarter of 2019 and is sitting on $103 million in cash. That seems like a staggering number, but keep in mind that Trump has to use the funds to convince people of relative mental competence that he's fit to hold office. The producers of Cats had a marketing budget of $113 million and look where that got them.

"Democrats and the media have been in a sham impeachment frenzy and the president's campaign only got bigger and stronger with our best fundraising quarter this cycle," Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale said in a statement.

Republicans have spent the past few months actively fundraising because Democrats were set to impeach Trump after he extorted a foreign country for his own personal gain. It's both ghoulish and lucrative. Trump is hosting fundraisers at the "southern White House," Mar-a-Lago, where rich assholes will pay $250,000 and strap on Big-Mac-catered feedbags. This is the level of sacrifice the wealthy will make to protect their bank accounts from Elizabeth Warren.

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That's Not What She Said

Joe Biden Didn't Say That

Beware of misleading social media videos from guys named Vlad.

During the 2016 election, Russian trolls targeted a lot of misinformation at black voters. A common theme was that because Hillary Clinton said "super predators" once, she was just as racist -- if not more! -- than Donald Trump, who'd been Donald Trump his whole life. Russia and the Trump campaign had an eerily aligned goal -- suppress turnout among black voters. Trump and Republicans in general don't need black people to vote for them. They're fine if we don't vote at all, either because our closest polling place is on Mars (thanks, Chief Justice Roberts!) or we think Hillary was a Goldwater Girl klansman with a Confederate flag in her hippie dorm room.

The usual suspects are pulling the same scam with Joe Biden. Uncle Joe has his problems. We've written about them and will continue doing so during his likely presidency. However, whatever racial or gender blindspots he might have doesn't make him Donald Trump, who's what appears in the Oval Office if you say "racist!" three times in a mirror. Early this week, the Twitter account "@mooncult" posted some clips from a Biden speech that were deceptively edited to make him look terrible. Here's the one that made the most rounds on the Twitter-mobile.

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2020 democratic primary

2019: The Year Of The Other Tim Ryans

Every white man ran for president for 15 minutes.

Elizabeth Warren launched the exploratory committee for her presidential campaign exactly a year ago. Kamala Harris and Kirsten Gillibrand joined her in January. Kickass women (and Tulsi Gabbard) were running to finish the good work Hillary Clinton started. We were so excited! And then depression set in. Men got involved -- mediocre men, boring men, men who refused to run for the Senate like they should've. The Democratic primary campaign quickly degenerated from Ladies' Night to a 1980s Dungeons and Dragons convention.

Let's take a moment to bid adieu to all the Tim Ryans who thought they were what America needed or wanted. We're ignoring the joke candidacy of Richard Ojeda, the West Virginia state senator who willingly voted for Donald Trump.

Jay Inslee

Grand Opening: March 1, 2019

Grand Closing: August 21, 2019

Inslee believes in climate change, and we'd love to have a president who doesn't try to combat global warming with leeches. The governor of Washington said non-offensive words at the first two Democratic primary debates. He also very politely made Meghan McCain look very stupid on "The View," so we contributed generously to his re-election campaign.

John Hickenlooper

Grand Opening: March 4, 2019

Grand Closing: August 15, 2019

Hickenlooper ran a bold campaign based in confessing on live TV that he'd watched hardcore porn with his mother. That's a tactic no one has ever tried, and he deserves credit for uniquely grossing us out rather than talking about "healing the nation" like every other Tim Ryan. The former Colorado governor has a good shot at unseating Republican Sen. Cory Gardner next year, so chip in here if you're so inclined. Once he came to his senses and dropped out of the presidential primary, Gardner endorsed potential future Senate colleague Michael Bennet, who's still in the race somehow. Bless his heart.

Beto O'Rourke

Grand Opening: March 14, 2019

Grand Closing: November 1, 2019

Oh, sweet Beto, what happened? We had high hopes for the former Texas congressman, almost Texas senator. We also bought (and still own) Deee-Lite's second album. Yr. SER was never good at recognizing when a fad was over. We liked "nothing left to lose" Beto, who vowed to take every Who in Whoville's assault rifle without any medically concerning increases in heart size. He's working now on flipping the Texas House of Representatives blue. He's probably too outspoken on racial justice and gun safety to appear on any frontrunner's VP shortlist, and we must admit, we respect him all the more for it.

Beto Responds to Shooting in Odessa-Midland: "This is F***** up."' www.youtube.com

Mike Gravel

Grand Opening: April 2, 2019

Grand Closing: August 6, 2019

This is a Mike Gravel campaign ad from 2007.

Mike Gravel - Rock - www.youtube.com

There's not much more to add. The crackpot of yesterday endorsed the crackpot of tomorrow, Tulsi Gabbard. He also co-endorsed Bernie Sanders, like they're his kids or something.

Tim Ryan

Grand Opening: April 4, 2019

Grand Closing: October 24, 2019

We're not sure why Tim Ryan thought he could ever be president, or vice president, or in any room where an important decision was made. He tried to oust Nancy Pelosi as House minority leader in 2017 and as speaker last year. He failed each time. Ryan claimed he entered the presidential race to give a "voice to the forgotten people" in America, but they probably need a representative other people can remember. Besides, the New York Times won't shut up about the "forgotten people" in the Midwest, so we never understood what original Tim Ryan was blathering about.

Eric Swalwell

Grand Opening: April 8, 2019

Grand Closing: July 8, 2019

Swalwell couldn't even win the coveted Eric Swalwell's parents endorsement. The California House representative made it to the first debate, where he confronted Joe Biden and asked him to "pass the torch" to the next generation. Biden said "no" and Swalwell didn't appear to have a counter argument. Did he assume Biden would say "yes"? The campaign never recovered.

Seth Moulton

Grand Opening: April 22, 2019

Grand Closing: August 23, 2019

The other Tim Ryan entered the race but failed to win over the 0 percent of Democratic primary voters already committed to original Tim Ryan. We described Moulton as "weird and wrong yet blandly unappealing" like failed McDonald's product offering the McSpaghetti, which we now think was unfair. If the McSpaghetti was the only thing left in your refrigerator that wasn't moving on its own power, you'd probably give it a shot. Moulton's presidential ambitions were never that promising.

Steve Bullock

Grand Opening: May 14, 2019

Grand Closing: December 2, 2019

Bullock seemed to best choice for a Non-Threatening, Moderate White Guy Nominee ... if that's what you wanted. It's not what we want. He's young (53) but not silly CW Dad young like Pete Buttigieg. He's the governor of Montana, one of those red states where "real Americans" live. Bullock should run for Senate. Yr. Editrix asked him nicely. He's still not interested. Thanks for nothing, Steve.

Bill de Blasio

Grand Opening: May 16, 2019

Grand Closing: September 20, 2019

A poll from June showed that de Blasio had a favorable rating of just 29 percent in the state of New York, where he's mayor of the city with the same name. Donald Trump himself enjoyed a favorable rating of 34 percent. Why are you selling de Blasio for president tee-shirts with numbers this bad? Registered New York Democrats also loathe the mayor. He has the support of just 39 percent of them. Deep dish pizza is more popular in New York. When de Blasio entered the race, Gillibrand was still a candidate and her constituents don't pelt her with rotten tomatoes on sight. The mayor finally stopped wasting everyone's time in September.

Joe Sestak

Grand Opening: June 23, 2019

Grand Closing: December 1, 2019

We'll say this for Joe Sestak: He's not a billionaire trying to buy the nomination while simultaneously lecturing us about money in politics. There's not much else to say. We're glad he finally dropped out of the race once he remembered he was in it.

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Get yr "Impeachment Fever!" tees with your Christmas money from grandma!

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Environment

2019: The Year We Finally Started Taking Climate Seriously. Or More Seriously.

Most of us. Just not the people in charge.

Let's start with good news on climate: In poll after poll, large majorities of Americans say they agree climate is a major concern and that the government needs to do more to reduce carbon emissions. More than three-quarters of adults and teens agree that human activity is affecting the climate, and a majority think it's not too late to find solutions. Some people are shaky on the scientific details; a Washington Post/Kaiser Family Foundation poll earlier this month found that

43 percent of adults and 57 percent of teens cited "plastic bottles and bags" as a "major" contributor to climate change, which is incorrect. That response may echo a recent burst of news media attention to plastic pollution in the oceans.

But the main point is that big majorities know that burning fossil fuels is heating up the planet, so if some people drive less and recycle more plastic, that's not a terrible thing. How's this for encouraging? Among Republicans, a majority of millennials and Gen-Z young'uns want more government action on climate, too. Baby steps -- teach your parents well, young Rs.

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Vote suppression

Stacey Abrams's Org Loses One 'Fair Fight' Against Voter Purge

But we're pretty sure they'll be back for a second round in state court.

On Friday, a federal judge declined to reinstate nearly 100,000 voters to Georgia's voting rolls after yet another voting roll purge by the Georgia Secretary of State's office.

Judge Steve Jones of the Northern District of Georgia ruled in Fair Fight Action v. Raffensperger that he could not step in and order Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to reinstate some 98,000 Georgia citizens to the state's voter rolls after he purged them earlier this month. The challenge, led by Stacey Abrams's voting rights organization, Fair Fight Action, had sought to ensure that people would not be unfairly denied their right to vote.

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Healthcare

Hey, Remember When Nancy Pelosi Killed 45,000 Americans By Passing Obamacare?

And we thought Hillary Clinton had a bodycount.

Crusading anti-corruption crusader and California congressional candidate Cenk Uygur offered his two cents on the scandal involving former Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin, who pardoned a bunch of really awful people on his way out the door, including a convicted murderer whose family threw a fundraiser for Bevin. Cenk wants us to consider the Big Picture, which is that while Bevin appears to have corruptly pardoned a killer and some guys convicted of raping children, that's nothing compared to the corruption that led Nancy Pelosi to personally murder tens of thousands of Americans. Here are his Galaxy Brain tweetdroppings:

That's pretty awful of Nancy Pelosi to be so very corrupt! However, we're not sure we agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Cenk.

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News

Nobody Investigated 2016 Russian F*ckery Until It Was Too Late

If there were any bodies, they were long gone.

We'll probably never know what happened in the 2016 election. It's not in dispute that Russia "hacked" the US election system by spamming social media with mindless shitposts, but whether or not Russians were capable of changing voter rolls or election outcomes will always be the subject of conspiracy theories. In the end it was a combination of Russian voter fuckery, shady business practices, and the gullibility of ignorant elections workers that created the perfect storm of stupidity that Donald Trump rode to Washington. And it's with that that Politico takes an exhausting look back at what happened with just one company during the 2016 election.

Attempting to reconstruct what the hell went wrong in the 2016 election will make your brain bleed even before you can slam your head into the closest solid object. Politico's 6000-plus-word investigation attempts to do just that by highlighting existing public documents and non-answers from the jackasses involved.

TLDR: IF Russia was able to break into local polls and voter rolls we'll never know what they did once they got inside. People involved with investigations took their sweet-ass time, and nobody involved will admit they might have fucked up.

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Culture Wars

Bret Stephens: To Beat Trump, Democrats Should Condemn Sister Souljah

David Brooks: Hey, that's MY schtick!

New York Times columnist Bret Stephens today brings us yet another "Conservative Republicans tell Democrats how to beat Donald Trump" column, explaining that if Democrats hope to unseat his party's choice for president, they should all take a cue from popular Republican moderates like Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney. Stephens starts off with a sensible enough suggestion: To get rid of Donald Trump, a Democratic candidate should promise to give the presidency a good scouring with soap and hot water, to "wash out the grime and grease of an administration that every day does something to make the country feel soiled." He notes poll results showing that a large majority of Americans are "embarrassed" by what Trump says, and that even a significant portion of Republicans are "embarrassed" or at least "concerned" by his statements.

So far, so good. But Stephens then explains that it will really be hard for Democrats to beat Trump, because the economy's doing well, and also because Real Americans probably dislike Democrats far more than they dislike Trump. Therefore, what Democrats need to do is run someone Bret Stephens would be willing to vote for.

Jesus Christ doing wheelies in a Hyundai.* The "conservatives tell Dems how to win" isn't played out yet? Maybe we should interview some Trump voters in a diner to see what they think.

* He's omnipotent, so "front wheel drive" is no obstacle to a wheelie, you pagan.

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Congress

For The Billionth Time, Mitch McConnell's The Bad Guy Not Harry Reid

How many times do we have to tell you people?

We periodically have to remind people that Mitch McConnell is evil. He was born this way, and there's nothing specific Democrats could've done to make his heart grow three sizes on Christmas Eve. A popular urban legend is that Harry Reid nuking the filibuster in 2013 paved the way for Mitch McConnell to pack the courts with right-wing hacks. Journalist Julia Ioffe tweeted the following yesterday:

This is not a great take. Yeah, it sucks that an illegitimate. impeached president will leave a mark on the federal judiciary that won't go away any time soon. But it's not Harry Reid's fault. We've been through this. Reid wasn't the first Senate majority leader to threaten nuking the filibuster. Republican Bill Frist threatened to do so in 2005, and Reid negotiated to save the filibuster. It just cost us a few right-wing extremists on the court. Cut to 2013 and the GOP minority had blocked three of Barack Obama's judicial picks in a row with no deal in sight when Reid finally said enough was enough. Yr. Wonkette confesses that we thought he wouldn't have the nerve. "They started it!" is an annoying argument that blames Reid for McConnell's perfidy. McConnell could've restored the filibuster but he didn't want Donald Trump to face the same obstruction Obama had. McConnell once claimed that if Americans wanted Obama to pick judges or staff they would've given him a Senate supermajority -- you know, again. He's fine with completely different rules for Trump, whose judicial picks have mostly skirted through with bare majorities.

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2020 democratic primary

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Disgraces Herself, Some More

Former White House Press Liar mocks Joe Biden's stutter at Democratic debate.

Part-time White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham is so grossly incompetent, you forget that her predecessor Sarah Huckabee Sanders was so competently gross. She reminded us of how terrible a person she is last night during the slimmed-down and gentrified Democratic debate. Sanders, presumably watching from her evil lair, let frontrunner Joe Biden have it about his un-American socialist speech impediment.

Screencaps, like diamonds, are forever.USA Today/Twitter

So ... that was unnecessary. I suppose Biden is still alive, unlike John Dingell, so Sanders hasn't yet reached Trump levels of cruelty. But she's tried her best, and that's what will impress Republican voters in Arkansas.

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Vote suppression

Georgia Voter Purge Makes Strong Case For Return Of General Sherman

Or at least Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act.

After a federal judge gave the go-ahead Monday, the Great State of Georgia announced it would purge more than 300.000 people from the state's voting rolls. Not because they did fraud or anything, but because they didn't vote often enough, at least according to Georgia's dubious records. Fair Fight Action, the voting rights group founded by Stacey Abrams, argued that the cancellations will eliminate about 120,000 voters who would be eligible to vote were it not for Georgia's dumb "use it or lose it" law, which strikes people from the rolls if they haven't voted in a general election since 2012. The remaining people to be purged either moved out of state, or were assumed to be unpersons after mail sent by state election commissars was returned as undeliverable.

What a great day for democracy, with fewer people able to vote!

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Impeachment

Carly Fiorina Supports Trump Impeachment, Might Vote For His Persona Anyway

People are silly, aren't they?

Former Hewlett-Packard CEO and failed Republican senatorial and presidential candidate Carly Fiorina surfaced this week. In an interview for some CNN podcast, and with the unerring political insight that led her to question Ted Cruz's loyalty to America before becoming his stunt "running mate," Fiorina told Poppy Harlow, "I think it is vital that [Donald Trump] be impeached," but then immediately said she isn't sure he should be removed from office "this close to an election."

As for 2020, Fiorina wouldn't rule out voting for Trump, who it's vital to impeach but not remove from office, because it "depends who the Democrats put up" to run against him.

So remember, primary voters, when you fill out that ballot, your choice could decide whether Carly Fiorina publicly renounces Donald Trump for five minutes.

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Impeachment

Trumpers Remember Armenian Genocide With Solemn Screams, Fisticuffs At Adam Schiff Event

Remember, Democrats are tearing this country apart.

A group of Donald Trump supporters violently disrupted an event focused on victims of the Armenian genocide Saturday, holding up signs reading "Don't Impeach," trying to shout down Rep. Adam Schiff, then getting into scuffles with others at the event. But they had to, because Schiff is trying to overthrow the government and make Mike Pence president.

Here's some video; Schiff barely gets started before Trumpers scattered strategically in the audience start shouting "LIAR!" and then things generally go nuts.

Things got crazy at Adam Schiff's town hall meeting tonight! youtu.be

Mediaite adds,

One man with a shaved head repeatedly shouted "You will be going to jail for treason!" and was called a "fucking asshole" as he was being escorted out.

Another protester said that Schiff will "hang" as she was escorted out of the event.

Why are Democrats so insistent on encouraging violence?

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Impeachment

Impeachment: The End Is The Beginning Is The End

It's your Sunday show rundown!

Merry holidays to all of you, Wonkers, let us begin.

Over on CNN's "State of The Union," Jake Tapper began the morning with punchable ophthalmologist and Kentucky's second-most-loathsome senator, Rand Paul. Paul, via satellite from the site of the Bowling Green Massacre, decided to prove a former speechwriter for President Obama correct in his assessment of what this entire impeachment process would be like.

Rand Paul has decided his offensively stupid argument will be that Trump was "combating corruption" when he decided to extort Ukraine for an investigation that would hurt Joe Biden (and the Democratic Party). Tapper, for his part, pointed out the absurdity of this argument by taking Paul down Memory Lane.

TAPPER: But this is a president whose former personal attorney Michael Cohen, former campaign chairman Paul Manafort, former National Security Adviser Mike Flynn, former campaign adviser Roger Stone, former deputy campaign chair Rick Gates, former associate George Papadopoulos, all of them have been convicted of federal crimes. In addition, last year, Trump University settled a $25 million fraud lawsuit. Last month, President Trump admitted misusing his own charitable foundation's money, was ordered to pay $2 million. You really think President Trump is concerned about rooting out corruption?

I love that song! But did these facts deter Paul from making more idiotic arguments? Nope! He tried to trudge on with it to the point Tapper had to do everything in his power not to laugh in his face while pointing out his logic fallacies.

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Elections

Andrew Sullivan: Jeremy Corbyn Killed Labour With All His Woke Pronouns

Democrats need to hurry up and start treating minorities like crap if we're going to win elections.

The UK's Labour Party got spanked last night, and although I'm a devoted viewer of The Crown and Victoria, I'm not really qualified to make sweeping statements about British politics. Fortunately, conservative writer Andrew Sullivan is prepared to tell us what his homeland's self-destructive impulses can teach us here in his adopted country.

Yes, Democrats are DOOMED as we take a "hard-left" slide that's likely to end with nominating Joe Biden for president. The Twitter that Sullivan and other conservatives use proudly exists in the real world, but "Left Twitter" is apparently a holodeck simulation where 15-year-old SER makes out all day with Counselor Troi. If liberals are on a fake Twitter, then why are we always warned that criticizing Democratic candidates will help re-elect Donald Trump? It's obvious nothing we do matters.

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Crime

Feds Finally Find Mexican Voter Fraud In California. He Voted For Trump.

He LOVES the Republican Party, and doesn't see what he did wrong.

They finally found a voter frauder! Gustavo Araujo Lerma, 64, was sentenced Tuesday in federal court in Sacramento to three years and nine months in federal prison after being found guilty in August of passport fraud, voting by an alien, and aggravated identity theft. Lerma was almost everything the paranoid rightwing rants about in-person voting fraud and illegal immigration are obsessed with: a Mexican national who bought a US citizen's birth certificate and Social Security card in 1992 and has voted illegally in federal elections ever since then. But only once per election, not changing clothes, putting on glasses, and voting again and again. That guy still has yet to be sighted in the wild. Until then, white nationalists will have to chase church buses around on election day, because elderly black people are probably frauding like crazy.

Oh yes, and he's a very loyal Republican who not only voted for Donald Trump, he also donated to the party and got some nice swag, like

letters of thanks from the president, former Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus and current RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel.

Or their autopens, at least. Stands to reason a fake Trump voter would collect a bunch of fake autographs, no?

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