Eliot Spitzer's Comptroller Race Just Got A Lot More Frottage


The last time we saw Thomas Lopez-Pierre, he was writing apretty awesome letter about Jews. He loved boning Jewesses! He once saved some Hasidic kids by going after other black kids with a broken bottle! He remembers that Jews helped out in the '60s civil rights fights! He just didn't like it when Jews were greedy.

It was a hell of a letter!

Well now, Eliot Spitzer -- you remember him, he was that guy? -- has quite unaccountably been campaigning alongside Thomas Lopez-Pierre. And Spitzer's opponent for NYC controller comptroller (goddammit), Scott Stringer, was all "eh, maybe not campaigning alongside the BALLS-OUT RACISTS, EH?" (For some reason, in our imaginings, Scott Stringer is Canadian.) And then Scott Stringer held a press conference to denounce and reject, but did not show up at his own press conference? But Thomas Lopez-Pierre did! And that is when, says NYC Assemblywoman Linda Rosenthal, Lopez-Pierre rubbed his penis on her butt like a common subway rider. HOLY FUCK.

Then, he thrust himself into the mix of the dozen or so politicians and community leaders Stringer had summoned to condemn his hate speech, standing alongside them as the cameras began to roll.

Suddenly, Assemblywoman Linda Rosenthal, a Democrat from Manhattan, looked uncomfortable and one of the Stringer supporters near the microphone glared at Lopez-Pierre and shouted, “He’s touching her!”

Later, Rosenthal told the Daily News Lopez-Pierre had touched her buttocks during the press conference, then whispered in her ear, “Oh, you’re turning me on.”

But who is the real victim? Would you believe ... Thomas Lopez-Pierre???

“It’s an absolute lie,” Lopez-Pierre said of the assemblywoman’s accusation. Then, he said he was the victim.

“She purposefully rubbed her ass on my, uh, uh, penis and then wanted to claim that I was sexually – I don’t know – sexually arousing her or myself," he explained in a lengthy voicemail. "She is a bold-faced liar.”

Well, somebody is a bold-faced liar, that is for sure. And we weren't there, so really who can ever know? Probably, Linda Rosenthal, a New York assemblywoman, walks around in public places and grinds her bottom against men's cocks. In public. Standing next to her colleagues. And then makes shocked faces. That is called "Occam's Razor," and it mandates that the simplest explanation -- that Linda Rosenthal presses her ass cheeks against lunatics' penises, in public -- is the most likely.

We are guessing "Linda" "Rosenthal" is a Jewess who just wants to be boned.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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