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Elisabeth Bumiller's D.C. Fantasy Camp

Okay, we're finally awake enough to face the horror that is Elisabeth Bumiller's Sunday Styles NYT article of her top ten tips for making it on Capitol Hill.


First, let us note that we did spend some time Sunday morning spanking it to former Bush 1 counsel C. Boyden Gray's admission that he was "pounded, relentlessly, when I was counsel." Hot! But still.

Her rundown on the D.C. lifestyle starts snarky -- don't announce you're off to Larry King during dinner, bitches! (As if you should have to announce that -- if you're having dinner with people who don't know you're booked on Larry King, well, why are you having dinner with them?) -- and ends sincere: "Don't forget where you came from, and that integrity matters." WHAT. THE. FUCK. BUMILLER? Is she living in a parallel D.C., where Senators play with puppies all day and legislation passes with a friendly handshake? What kind of Mayberry wish-fulfillment is this?

Only one useful piece of advice comes our way: "Don't withhold information from your lawyer." We couldn't agree more—although, it turns out not everyone who works in D.C. is actually under investigation at this given moment, so your mileage may vary.

Also, she left off tips #11 and #12: Don't Take Your Arms Dealer to Lunch At Cafe Milano. And, of course: Don't Fuck Your Boss (While Actually Still At The Office).

New to Capitol Hill? 10 Tips to Avoid Ruin [NYT]

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What did we say this morning? Something about how "They want a war with Iran," and "Please do not listen to news reports about Trump telling his people to cool their jets with the Iran talk, because they want a war with Iran, and all they are looking for is their trigger"?

News came out early this morning that Iran shot down a US drone in the Strait of Hormuz, outside Iranian waters. Let's see what our president and his war-bonering GOP shitmouths in Congress have had to say about that:

Great. Just great. So what's happening now?

Awesome. Just splendid. Trump is having a cuddle party today with John Bolton (who's had a hard-on to bomb Iran since the Bush administration); Mike Pompeo (who's been making the rounds lying and saying Iran and al Qaeda are best friends, thus implying that it's very legal and very cool for Trump to strike Iran without congressional authorization, based on the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) Congress voted for five days after 9/11); and Patrick Shanahan, the outgoing acting Defense secretary, who will make way for another acting Defense secretary, because who needs real Defense secretaries? (The new guy, Mark Esper, is part of the meeting too.) And as Senator Schatz points out above, Trump is emotionally unstable and doesn't know dick about foreign policy, so it's just great that he's having an emergency meeting with these unhinged hawks about this right now.

Tell us what this all means, unhinged hawk Lindsey Graham!

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