Elisabeth Bumiller's D.C. Fantasy Camp

Okay, we're finally awake enough to face the horror that is Elisabeth Bumiller's Sunday Styles NYT article of her top ten tips for making it on Capitol Hill.

First, let us note that we did spend some time Sunday morning spanking it to former Bush 1 counsel C. Boyden Gray's admission that he was "pounded, relentlessly, when I was counsel." Hot! But still.

Her rundown on the D.C. lifestyle starts snarky -- don't announce you're off to Larry King during dinner, bitches! (As if you should have to announce that -- if you're having dinner with people who don't know you're booked on Larry King, well, why are you having dinner with them?) -- and ends sincere: "Don't forget where you came from, and that integrity matters." WHAT. THE. FUCK. BUMILLER? Is she living in a parallel D.C., where Senators play with puppies all day and legislation passes with a friendly handshake? What kind of Mayberry wish-fulfillment is this?

Only one useful piece of advice comes our way: "Don't withhold information from your lawyer." We couldn't agree more—although, it turns out not everyone who works in D.C. is actually under investigation at this given moment, so your mileage may vary.

Also, she left off tips #11 and #12: Don't Take Your Arms Dealer to Lunch At Cafe Milano. And, of course: Don't Fuck Your Boss (While Actually Still At The Office).

New to Capitol Hill? 10 Tips to Avoid Ruin [NYT]


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