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Elitist 'Schoolchildren' Elect Barack Obama

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Nothing says "I hate Real Americans" like going to a public school, learning how to read and write, and having some basic knowledge of what's going on in the world around you. That's why the elitist "schoolchildren" who took part in the Scholastic Election Poll are obviously in the tank for fancy educated smart guy Barack Obama.


Kids from the first grade all the way to twelfth grade voted in the educational publisher's poll. Just think about that, for a moment: If a child has some knowledge of a presidential campaign in first grade, we are obviously dealing with a young communist monster who lives in some twisted domestic world of "knowledge" and "current events." In other words, a tiny terrorist bred by a terror cell.

And if a child is still in school during his or her senior year, well that's surely not the kind of kid you want constantly sticking his penis in your 15-year-old daughter and getting her pregnant. Real American kids knock up their teen-age gals no later than their junior year, and then get forced into a nationally televised shotgun wedding by the creepy jesus-freak dingbat baby farmer mother, and then drop out of high school and go to work in the oil fields, before their eighteenth birthday, because that's how we do it in this country.

Let's see, what else? Oh! The Scholastic kids voted for Handsome Uncle Barry 57-39 over creepy old Grandpa Depends. That is what you call a landslide victory! And ever since Scholastic started this stunt 68 years ago, the kids have only been wrong twice, in two famously close races: They picked Dewey over Truman in 1948 (as did the liberal media), and they picked Nixon over Kennedy in 1960, as did the actual voters until Old Joe Kennedy started calling in Chicago favors.

Some 250,000 kids took part in this year's fun poll. So now you know about how many kids currently in the primary education system will come out with a basic knowledge of current events and maybe some simple reading/writing/math skills, a quarter-million out of 75.5 million.

This is also a useful predicator for the exact ratio of libtards and wingnuts you can expect to be arguing on the cable news and the blogs in the coming decades: 57% will be in the tank, and a stubborn 39% will still be calling Social Security and Medicare terrorist organizations run by Al Qaeda/Cuba/Chavez/Communists/Greens or whatever new enemy they make up, probably Moon Monsters, which are at least real things.

Obama Wins Scholastic News Election Poll [Scholastic News]

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